James Holmes, Adam Lanza, Tamerlan Tsarnaev. Why do people commit extreme acts? More specifically, why do people commit extreme negative acts? As a society, we aren’t usually concerned with the root causes of altruism, care, or charity. We appreciated, maybe just expected. The altruism research is extensive, but it does not compare to the volumes of research on violence and aggression.

Extremism comes in two forms: behavior (terrorism, crime, cruelty, etc.) and beliefs (morality, politics, attitudes, stereotypes, etc.). Why do people hold such rigid views, why are people constantly committing acts of violence? The vast majority of us are left puzzled and scratching heads when acts of violence are committed. In this post, I’m going to focus on negative behavior as most wonder why people do terrible things.

I haven’t researched every extremist act, but it’s safe to say that there are common themes with most extremists. First, the person has experienced rejection from another, group, or society. Second, there is an overwhelming sense of inadequacy, impotence, and sadness. Third, the individual externalizes personal issues such that blame is placed on the other or world. Next, the extremist loses the capacity for empathy. Lastly, the person goes all in: the extreme belief becomes their identity.

Experience of rejection.  Rejection is where it starts. Almost all high-profile (and low-profile for that matter) cases have some degree of rejection. Feeling out of place, being bullied, social isolation, trouble in relationships, and personal (academic, occupational, social) failures are all forms of rejection. Now of course every person has experienced rejection, everyone. This is just one of the components of the process. However, it is rare to see extremists who are successful, happy, and integrated in society.

Overwhelming feelings of inadequacy, impotence, and sadness.  These are common feelings after an experience of rejection. Rejection represents not being good enough, being unimportant, and unworthy. This is the perception of the rejected, not necessarily the intent of the rejector (though sometimes it is). 

So how does one go from feelings of worthlessness and sadness to extreme, violent behavior?  I haven’t written extensively about it, but I view anger as the byproduct of sadness. When you are angry or have angered another, usually you or someone else is feeling hurt.  

For example, if someone steals your wallet, you will be angry.  If you take a step back to analyze why you are angry, yes it’s because something was taken from you, but at a deeper level there is a sense of loss. Something of yours was taken away and you no longer have it.  In this example, we are talking about a material object.  Now imagine if a part of you was taken: your confidence, self-esteem, trust, or hope.  That sadness and disappointment can quickly turn to anger and rage.

Externalization.  Most healthy individuals consider multiple aspects of a situation.  If you fail a test, you can externalize the failure by blaming the incompetent teacher or you can internalize the failure and believe you are a student with poor study habits.  In the process of extremism, the individual blames the other, a group, or society as a whole.  Combine that blame with anger, and it’s a dangerous cocktail.

Void of empathy.  This is where it gets scary. Some believe that laws keep order in society. I would argue that our ability to empathize is the fabric of society. Empathy plays a part in any relationship. When empathy is absent, societal and moral codes are compromised. There is now unconcern for members of society and how potential actions can impact other individuals. A person lacking empathy does not consider or care how his actions impact others. Thinking is irrational and rigid; the ability to reason is gone. The extremist dehumanizes others.

Identity.  People are multidimensional. If you ask someone for a self-description you will get a number of identities in a reply: student, family member, spouse, religious affiliation, hobby of choice, musician, etc. Extremists usually have a limited number of identities. All of their chickens are in one basket. They start to believe in a “cause”, and are consumed with the one identity. They may appear to be interested in a number of things, but interest is genuinely dedicated to one or two things. Again, when your viewpoint narrows, your ability to reason and think logically breaks down. When our thinking is compromised, poor choices are made.

The extremists mentioned at the beginning are some of the most notorious of the last few years. It’s important to remember that not all extremists are mass murders or even violent. If you find someone whom you may think fits the profile I have outlined above, think about how to help that person or at least how to think about that person’s extreme views.

As a society, we jump quickly to explain a person’s behavior based on their beliefs, identifying characteristics (e.g., race, age, sex), and even location of residence. I argue there needs to be a shift to a deeper understanding. Questions like, “Why did this person adhere to such a rigid belief system?” and “Why now (instead of years ago)?” are questions that need to be addressed. Considering the context is much more exhausting and time consuming than generalizing, but if we truly want to understand human behavior, it’s necessary.



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A question that seems easy to answer, but you’ll get a different answer from each therapist you ask. Sometimes I catch myself assuming when a person walks into my office they know exactly what they want and how therapy works. Most walk in knowing they need help; they just aren't sure what to do. My response is to describe my therapeutic approach so that the patient can get a feel for how I work, and to determine if my approach can be beneficial for their specific goals. I thought it might be helpful to share my approach in the next couple of paragraphs for anyone that is interested in therapy. 

Each person has a unique and authentic story. My goal is to provide a safe and empathic environment for you to better understand your experiences, both positive and negative. I wholeheartedly believe that psychotherapy is a collaborative process with both therapist and patient working together. My approach is to focus on symptom relief in the short-term; as well as to explore the present and past to increase awareness and change underlying psychological patterns. This process allows for personal growth, a sense of agency and belongingness, and greater satisfaction in life and relationships.

Many people have a hard time understanding how the past can impact the future. I hear, “the past is the past, you can’t change it,” on a regular basis. It is true, you can’t change the past, but you can certainly learn from your past. Exploring and understanding your past is a significant aspect of my therapeutic approach. There tends to be a pattern in our behavior; whether it’s punctuality, avoiding our feelings, or having an optimistic perspective. Part of therapy is understanding these patterns and how individual tendencies impact decisions, behaviors, and relationships.

So what areas of your life would be explored during therapy? All are on the table, but your childhood, adolescence, family history, relationship history, and coping mechanisms are themes that are always explored. Revisiting these life stages can provide much needed insight for current issues, and increase self-awareness. During the initial sessions, I’ll ask you to tell me about yourself, your family, your relationships, how you manage stress, and why you are seeking therapy now. Just reading this may seem overwhelming, but most therapists are skilled at knowing how to ask these questions without it feeling like an interrogation.

How do you know if therapy is right for you? People seek out therapy for many reasons, including: 

• Feeling depressed most of the day 
  
• General anxiety (nervousness, excessive worrying, difficulty concentrating)
  
• Coping with medical issues
  
• Psychological impact of major life events (marriage, divorce, death, physical injury, loss)
  
• Addiction issues 
  
• Personal issues (self-esteem, relationship difficulty, family difficulty)
  

The vast majority of people seek out therapy when they are having difficulty managing life stressors. What does "having difficulty managing life stressors" mean exactly? Well, if you are having difficulty with tasks that were once easy (e.g., work, school, daily activities, etc.), you are probably a good candidate for therapy. I do see the occasional patient that wants to be more efficient and productive than they already are, but that is certainly not the norm.

Therapy offers a nonjudgmental, supportive environment which allows for an open and genuine dialogue. Most people half-jokingly expect to lay on a couch; most end up sitting in a chair (some do lay on the couch). Making it to your first session is usually the scariest part, and most people report feeling more content, less anxious, and more optimistic at the end of the session. They are also surprised by the conversational feel of therapy.

I work with children, adolescents, and adults. I approach patients with their needs and goals at the forefront of psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is hard work; it can be challenging and painful, but such is life. With that said, I have found myself laughing with my patients, sharing stories and growing together.

I hope this short description has answered some questions, if not feel free to contact me with your specific concerns or thoughts. As always, if you find this post helpful, feel free to share.