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The Psychology Of Delayed Gratification: How Smart Technology Might Be A Bad Thing

8/19/2014

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About 40 years ago, psychologist Walter Mischel and colleagues investigated the process of delayed gratification in preschool children. It was a brilliantly simple design. Present the child with a marshmallow or some desired snack, and the child had two choices: they could eat the one marshmallow immediately or wait 15 minutes and eat two. As you might expect, Mischel found that some kids ate the one piece immediately, others were able to wait 5 or 10 minutes, while others waited the entire 15 minutes and received two pieces (1). You can read the study details here.

What's interesting is Mischel and colleagues followed up with the same preschoolers as adults 20 and 30 years later. The findings from those studies were remarkable. On average, the adults who delayed their gratification as preschoolers did better academically, socially, and personally, and they had lower body mass index scores compared to the group of adults who were not able to delay their gratification as preschoolers (2,3,4).


Another one of those psychological studies where maybe the findings are not that surprising, maybe even expected. So what do these studies have to do with smart technology that is the norm of today?

The purpose of Mischel's studies centered on the ability of a child to delay gratification, in essence, to tolerate frustration. Although the follow-up studies were correlational, the studies linked the ability to delay gratification (i.e., tolerate frustration) to later success in a number of life domains.

A few weeks ago, my kids (ages 4 and 2) were watching a children's show on Youtube. During the episode, an ad spontaneously popped up and my kids were confused and ultimately frustrated by the commercial. Naturally I went to fix this tragedy and closed the ad. The kids settled down, and all was good. Being a psychologist, I could not help but be curious about the reaction my children had because of this momentary disruption in their show.


As they were watching their show, I reflected on my childhood when cell phones, texting, Youtube, Spotify, Apple products, and any number of things that make life so incredibly efficient did not exist. We didn't even have call waiting (if anyone remembers what that is). Twenty years ago, if you wanted to spend time with a friend after school you either made plans at school, called and hopefully they answered, or you walked around the neighborhood in hopes of finding them. Now you have 5 or more “smart” ways to contact your friend immediately with the advent of social media.

When I would read a book and not know the meaning of a word, my parents would always say to me, “Look it up in the dictionary,” which was frustrating but I did it. Now, you can ask your phone and you'll know the definition in seconds. When a favorite song came on the radio, I knew I'd have to wait hours or even days to hear the song again. Now, you can listen to any song at any time within the matter of seconds.


Smart technology has done something that is exclusively thought of as a good thing, it's eliminated the process of waiting. It's minimized frustration and expedited gratification. Maybe that's not the best thing, or even a good thing.

Waiting for a friend to call back, listening to the radio for that one song, looking up a word in the dictionary, or even watching a commercial. These are all exercises in delaying gratification and tolerating frustration. These are all staring at a marshmallow and not eating it.

Are we teaching our kids to seek gratification immediately? To get rid of feeling frustrated as quickly as possible? Might the loss of being able to delay gratification and tolerate frustration explain the rise in childhood obesity and use of psychotropic medication for children?


So now when that frustrating commercial pops up during your kids' or your favorite show, it might be worthwhile to say, “Hmmm, that's frustrating. But you know what, it's okay because this commercial will be over soon.” A statement like that just might change someone's future.


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 


References

1. Mischel, W., Ebbesen, E. & Zeiss, A. (1972). Cognitive    and attentional mechanisms in delay of
gratification.        Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 21 (2):        204-218.

2. Mischel, W., Shoda, Y. & Rodriguzez, M. (1989).             Delay of gratification in children. Science, 244: 933-         938.

3. Schlam, N., Shoda, Y, Mischel, W. & Ayduk, O.             (2013). Preschoolers' delay of gratification                       predicts their body mass 30 years later. The Journal of     Pediatrics, 162: 90-93.

4. Shoda, Y., Mischel, W. & Peake, Philip. (1990).               Predicting Adolescent Cognitivie and Self-Regulatory         Competencies from Preschool Delay of Gratification:         Identifying Diagnostic Conditions. Developmental             Psychology, 26: 978-986.

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Q&A Series: Mental Illness In The Family 

8/6/2014

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A family member was recently diagnosed with a mental illness. I want to help but I don't know what to do. What can I do for this person?

-- Anonymous August 2014

It's almost a certainty that every person will find themselves asking this question as approximately 1 in 4 people will experience a mental illness during their lifetime. For a comparison, do you know anyone that is left handed? Approximately 10% of the population is a lefty. So you're 2.5 times more likely to know someone with a mental illness than a lefty. 

Mental illness is a condition like no other. An individual's mental illness is unique. Universally effective interventions don't exist in the way that a medical doctor might treat a broken bone. Here are 10 tips for what to do if a family member has a mental illness:

Accept the Illness. Accept that the person has a mental illness. Understand that the symptoms you see are rooted in the mental illness, not the person. 

Educate yourself. What's the first thing someone does when they are diagnosed with a medical condition? Immediate Google search. Do the same with depression, anxiety, or the diagnosed condition. Research not only the health condition but also ways to intervene in positive and healthy ways. 

Attend health professional appointments with your family member. Ask questions at appointments about symptoms, warning signs, and coping strategies. 

Combine your Google education with your family experience. I tell patients and families that they are the expert on themselves and their family. With your newly found education from researching the illness, see how that education fits with your family. Not all individuals have the same family dynamic and symptom presentation.

Respect. Treat each member of the family with respect. A mental illness does not make anyone less valuable or worthy. Although this previous post is about addiction, many of the tips can be generally applied in how to communicate in a respectful and empathic way. 

Keep your family intact. Yes, a mental illness calls for an increase in attention, time, and energy for that individual, but don't lose focus on the other members of the family. Continue family activities to the extent that you can.

Be realistic. One of the first questions I hear is, "How long does this last and when is it cured?" There isn't an easy answer. Have a major goal in mind but break the big goal down into smaller goals. In developing these goals, include all appropriate members of the family, including the person with the mental illness. 

Stay connected. It's not uncommon for families to experience shame, confusion, and embarrassment. Part of your education is accepting that one person isn't to blame, and it's vital to stay connected to others. Continue relationships with friends and other families. Reach out to support groups through organizations like NAMI.

Be a clear and consistent presence. It can be difficult but be a consistent and healthy support for your family member. Find that healthy balance and stay away from contributing to unhealthy behavior. Sometimes your love can enable unhealthy behaviors and decisions. When you find that line, have a discussion with your family member about how you see your role in their life and the possible limitations of your role. 

Stay healthy. Make sure that you continue to make healthy decisions for yourself. Be aware that you aren't significantly sacrificing your mental health in trying to fix a loved one. You can only help when you are at your best, or at least in a mentally strong state. Whatever activities help you manage stress, continue them. 

I often recommend family members to participate in their own therapy as it can be incredibly stressful when dealing with another family member's mental illness.

Remain hopeful, realistic, but hopeful. Hope doesn't fix a mental illness, but it provides an atmosphere to remain motivated to overcome a mental illness. Hope doesn't have to be the notion that this mental illness will be gone by the end of the week, it can be that we are going to have a good day. 

As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 




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    Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN.

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