Ask someone about what makes a relationship strong, and you'll get responses that include trust, honesty, communication or a mix of all three. Trust is a requirement for a healthy relationship. But what happens when that trust is broken? Here are some tips to consider to rebuild the trust in your relationship,

Acknowledge the process will be difficult. Rebuilding trust is a complex and difficult task. Accept that there will be progress and setbacks, it will be time-consuming, and that the relationship may not survive. 
 
Reflect on how trust was broken. In order to fix something, you have to know why and how it broke. Every relationship is different, but usually there are signs of trouble in the relationship. 

What was each person's role? It takes two to tango. It's important to be accountable for your behavior, however, it's equally important to understand how the distrusting behavior came about. I've written more about this process in a post about infidelity. 

Express your pain and uncertainty. People aren't computers. You can't just reboot and wipe out a virus from your system. Share your feelings with the person. Acknowledge that there is pain, confusion, anger, and sadness. You have to purge your emotional world. 

Let go. Letting go is not about forgiving the other person, it's about forgiving yourself and moving forward. In order to move forward in a relationship, you have to come to peace with the past. Letting go can be difficult but it doesn't have to hold you back from happiness. 

Mutual recommitment. Both people have to recommit to the relationship. If there has been infidelity, all communication has to be severed with the person, all communication. You can't recommit when your mind and emotions are somewhere else. 

Communicate. Start from the basics. Seek counseling. If trust was violated, it almost always means the communication was lacking or artificial. Learn how to communicate respectfully and effectively. 

Express what you need from one another. Part of the recommitment process is being clear and direct about not only what was lacking, but also what each person needs moving forward. 

Set goals together. A therapist may be helpful here to provide balance and a realistic expectation. Setting goals together provides two things: 1) both people are on the same page about the direction of the relationship, 2) it's a healthy exercise of communication and connection, which was probably lacking in the relationship. 

Check in regularly. Again, weekly therapy sessions can be helpful here. Or set aside time each week to check in and reflect on progress, difficulties, or changes in the trust rebuilding process. Weekly discussions also keep you invested and mindful of your relationship. Another thing that was lacking that lead to the trust fissure. 

Praise and show gratitude. Praise one another for effort and positive growth, even if it's minuscule. Just like letting go, the process of praising can be beneficial not only for the other person, but also for you. 


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Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 

A negativistic style of thinking usually doesn't happen overnight. However, once your default setting is to think negatively, it feels automatic and almost natural to think the worst. 

Things get complicated when depression enters the equation. Depression exacerbates negative thinking, and the result is a self-sustaining cycle of negative feelings sharpening negative thoughts which intensifies the depression. I mention depression because those who struggle with negative thinking tend to exhibit symptoms of clinical depression. Something to consider if you haven't already. 

It's important to know that negative thoughts are completely normal. No one is perfect and it's healthy to reflect on personal weaknesses and areas of improvement. What is not normal is to allow these thoughts to control your life and relationships. 

10 Tips For Overcoming Negative Thoughts

Stop extreme thinking. Life isn't black or white. There is gray and context to everything. Be aware if you use words like "always" or "never" and if you make generalized statements about "everyone" and "everything."

Reality test. If you are unaware of your negativity, then how can you change? Easy. Try a reality check with friends, family, or someone that you trust. Sometimes negative thoughts can be corrected with a conversation. 

You aren't a mind reader, stop assuming. In sessions, I find myself regularly saying, "So what did you say in reply?" I get a quizzical glance and usually a, "Well, they didn't actually say that, but I'm sure they were thinking that." So did the person actually say it, or are you projecting what you believe they are thinking?

Value the positive. Don't dismiss or explain away the positive. If you have overwhelming negative thoughts, you are probably focusing too much on negative things and ignoring the positives in your life. Take a moment and value your positive experiences. 

Fully accept compliments. If someone gives you a compliment, stop for a moment, let the feeling sink in, and say "thank you." Sounds weird? If yes, then that's a sign you need to practice accepting compliments. 

Express gratitude. Not in your mind. On paper and then out loud and to the person. Sounds weird? See the last tip. You might be surprised how expressing gratitude actually makes you feel better. There is a great Upworthy.com video about gratitude. You can read and see more about that in a previous post. 

Set realistic goals. Accomplished goals make you feel good. Be realistic. Don't set the bar too low, but be realistic. Try to change one thing daily, weekly, or monthly. Be specific and clear in your goal-setting. 

Practice mindfulness, Mindfulness is the process of being aware of the present. When negative thoughts enter your consciousness, you are no longer in the present. You are on a cognitive tangent. Your attention is no longer on what is happening in the present, it's on beating yourself up. Mindfulness can be very effective in stopping negative thinking and helping you focus on the here and now. 

Do positive things. Volunteer, practice good manners, serve as a mentor. Again, be reasonable as you don't want to set yourself up to wonder why people aren't reciprocating your positive acts. Keep it simple. 
 
Recognize that change is a process. This idea is forgotten by many very quickly. If you expect a quick fix, it's just not going to happen. Accept that real change takes time, but it will be worth it. Value the progress that you are making. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support!

Let's skip over the moral debate, just bypass that altogether. In fact, let's work from the perspective that pornography is just like any other activity or hobby. 

Pornography's accessibility is incredibly easy. Statistics show that the average age of exposure is 11, and the largest and fastest growing consumer of internet pornography are kids aged 12-17. That's alarming, especially considering this is the developmental period when kids learn about and experience relationships. 

There is a natural process of learning about romance: the innocence of sliding a note to someone, asking a friend to ask for you, actually saying "i like you." Pornography bypasses this maturation process and pushes people into a completely different world. Kids and even young adults aren't psychologically and neurologically mature, so pornographic content becomes a part of their maturation and personal belief system. 

A relationship is an emotional connection with another; pornography is a lonely attempt to satisfy your needs.
There is a must-watch TEDxGlasgow talk about how the brain is affected by pornography, I really recommend it. In that video, the presenter speaks about dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in the reward system. The reward system is linked to the prefrontal cortex, a brain area that develops well into a person's late 20s. Internet pornography gives you perceived satisfaction with the click of a button, something that is impossible in real life.

Imagine the idea that you could feel satisfied with one click of a button, you believed that satisfaction and happiness were that easy. That's an unrealistic goal and unrealistic goals can lead to relationship issues, personal disappointments, and psychological disorders.

In working with couples where one or both are addicted to porn, there are usually expressions of marital emptiness and dissatisfaction. Over 50% of divorces involve one or both persons having an obsessive interest in pornography. Pornography was sought to fill a void or provide novelty. In reality, it isolates and distances people. Part of the work is understanding the personal void and helping couples reconnect in a healthy, meaningful way. 

Individuals with an addiction to pornography talk about a chase of making a fleeting moment of satisfaction more permanent. It warps your mind and belief system much in the same way that Hollywood movies do. The work here involves increasing awareness that this is an unhealthy chase that can't be won, and permanent satisfaction is based in actual relationships, not internet content. 

Most assume that pornography addiction is almost exclusively a problem for boys and men. That's simply not the case as about 1/3 of the visitors to pornographic websites are women. So it's a problem that's faced by both boys and girls and men and women.

Pornography and other addictions can literally change the neural circuitry of your brain. It can alter your emotions and belief system. However, it's never too late to better and work on yourself. 


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Last week's post focused more on the psychology and origins of anger. Two of the central points from that post were 1) recognize that usually where there is anger, there was sadness and 2) your body sends signals that you are angry, but are you aware?

How to control your anger

Before reading further, go back and read last week's post if you haven't (linked above). It's important to be aware of the body signals that suggest you are angry. Take a moment and think about your body's reactions to anger, what thoughts come to mind when angry, and how anger impacts how you relate to others. Without that knowledge it will be even more difficult to manage your anger. 

Anger management tips

Take a step back. When overwhelmed with anger, your decision-making skills are compromised. Remove yourself from the environment and regroup.

Relaxation techniques. This is a funny one as everyone knows they should relax. The problem is many people go through the techniques in a hurried manner. So counting to 10 won't be effective if it is a 5 second process. Same with deep breathing. Slow down the process. Count slowly, breathe slowly, move slowly. The slowness will calm your mind and body. 

Make healthy choices. If something or someone makes you angry and you can avoid it, then avoid it. What's it say about you if you keep putting yourself in negative situations when you don't have to?

Maintain healthy boundaries. It seems like a common conversation topic for many is complaining about others. Maintain healthy boundaries with individuals that tend to be the root of your anger. If you limit your availability, you'll limit anger. 

Think solutions. A component of anger is feeling helpless to change the situation. Be thoughtful. Is there something you can do to correct the problem? For example, if you are late for work every morning, try completing some of your morning tasks before you go to bed. 

Humor. If you know me, you know this is one of my favorites. This doesn't mean make fun of others or to be sarcastic, but if you can inject humor into an angry moment, it can really lighten the mood. Research has found that laughter reduces the release of stress hormones and increases the release of endorphins (feel-good hormones). 

Let go and forgive. Ask yourself, what purpose is my anger serving? It certainly can be a way to communicate your disapproval or hurt, but at some point the anger has more of an impact on you than the other person. Letting go and forgiving doesn't mean you are weak or submissive, it means you value your well-being. 

Get the anger out. Talk to a friend, write in a journal, exercise. Find activities that you enjoy and that are stress relievers. Do NOT punch a pillow. Research shows that punching a pillow actually increases rumination and aggression. Not what you want.


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I want to expand on "The Biggest Complaint From Kids About Their Parents Is..." post from a couple weeks ago by briefly describing 10 ways to make sure that your kid will hate you. The title is partially in jest but the reasoning behind this post is serious. When kids express to me anger about their parents, it's common for them to talk about some or all of the items below:

Dismiss their feelings. The rationale here is covered by the "The Biggest Complaint From Kids..." post linked above. 

Correct their feelings. It's one thing for a parent to ignore and brush off a kid's feelings, it's an entirely different to tell them what they are feeling is wrong. A feeling may be misdirected, based on inaccurate information, or expressed in an unhealthy manner, but it's not wrong. It's a feeling.

Hypocrisy. Kids, especially teenagers, have a sharp radar for hypocrisy. Be fair and straightforward. Whatever you do, limit statements like, "Do as I say, not as I do." You can sometimes pull that type of cliche on younger kids, teens will eat you up alive. 

Always playing the parent card. Key word here is "always". Sometimes it is completely appropriate and healthy to play the parent card. Do it too much, and a couple of things happen: 1) kids lose respect for you because your decisions are based on what other parents do and 2) kids won't talk to you about serious things because they feel the parent card will be used at any time.  
Choose their hobbies and activities for them. Yes, sports may have taught you about life. That doesn't mean it will do the same for your child. Let them discover what they are passionate about. You can introduce them to things you liked, but recognize the difference in your aspirations and theirs. 

Inconsistent parenting. I repeat this tip again and again because of its importance. Different parenting styles aren't complementary, they are confusing and annoying. The analogy I use for adults is imagine having two bosses where one says you have to be in the office on Fridays and the other says work from home on Fridays. That feeling you feel right now is how kids feel when they get different messages from parents. 
 
Talking in front of your kids like they are invisible. Nothing is more belittling than someone talking about you to others in your presence. Nothing is more irritating than someone talk about you to others in your presence. No different for kids. 

Focusing on the negative. It's important to help kids understand where they made a mistake and reflect on how to do something differently next time. However, no one wants to be around someone who is always focusing on the negative. If you are focusing on the negative, don't be surprised when your kids head straight to their bedroom once they enter the house. Don't be surprised when they focus on the negative, too. 

Judging their friends. As kids get older, their peer group becomes a bigger part of their identity and self-esteem. Criticizing your kid's friends is like criticizing your child. This doesn't mean their friends are off-limits, just be careful in how you present your feedback. 

Stop caring (and loving). At first I was surprised when I heard kids complain about their parents letting them do whatever they want. However, what they said next was always the same. Kids felt that when parents stopped caring, they stopped loving. Even for kids who fight with their parents constantly, the loss of feeling loved can have devastating consequences. 

I wrote this post for parents but I hope everyone reading can see how these items can lead to problems in any type of relationship, not just the parent-child relationship. At least as an adult you usually have the option of ending the relationship or at least limiting time spent with that person. 


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If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. You can also follow me on twitter here. Thanks for your support!

Ten years ago my brother and I went on a cross-country road trip. Five years later, he mentioned that trip in a speech at my wedding. The memorable part for him wasn't getting to the Pacific Ocean, it was the small experiences along the way: the landmarks, hours in the car, small-town diners, and random social encounters. The journey of being together.

In much the same way, therapy is a journey. A person walks into the first appointment (intake) struggling in some life facet, seeking answers. The person has usually sought answers prior to coming to therapy whether through self-reflection, friends, family, self-help books, or the internet. Therapy, if successful, helps the person realize that personal growth is finding comfort and strength in the struggle. A dear colleague once said, “Patients are struggling in the search of answers, our job is to help them be okay with the struggle of the question.”

If someone comes to an appointment asking why bad things always happen to them, I'm probably not going to be effective if I respond with answers for their questions. After all, the question has probably been asked numerous times to friends and friends. I would be just another opinion. My impact is helping that person in becoming more comfortable with the emotional discomfort of feeling like bad things always happen. The more comfortable a person becomes, the better able they are to challenge rigid ideas and thoughts and manage their emotions and stress.

A mentor repeatedly would say to me, “Salmaan, it's about the process, not the content.” It took me years to understand the essence of this statement. The content of a relationship is the back and forth storytelling. The process of therapy is the actual sharing and connecting in the experience, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and radically honest with another person. At some level, what is being shared (content) is minor, the actual sharing (process) is significant.

Let's take a patient with anxiety to illustrate the content and process of therapy. The content is when a person talks about their anxious symptoms. It's helpful but it's distant, it's what has happened “out there” in the world. When the focus moves into the room, on how the anxiety is impacting the therapeutic relationship, this is the process. Exploring the anxiety happening right then and there, how to manage it, and how to recognize that it is manageable. It''s much easier written than done. It takes time and that's perfectly normal.

Recently, I posted and wrote about a great experiment on gratitude. This was a fantastic example of the power of process, how even the smallest moment could have a significant impact on overall life satisfaction and relationships. The content is what is shared, the process is how you shared.

I hope the difference between content and process is clear. If not, I'll try one more time. Occasionally, you may see a facebook status where one person will proclaim their love for another person. What you read is an example of the content. The process would be the person sitting down, thinking about the loved one, writing a status, and sharing it for everyone to see.

This may seem like a random topic, but I feel that it underlies not only therapy but any relationship that you wish to be meaningful. At some level, it's also to remind myself, "Salmaan, it's about the process, not the content."


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If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. You can also follow me on twitter here. Thanks for your support!

It's something that always seems to come up in therapy when people are reflecting on current and past relationships. A relationship sours or ends and most people ask aloud, “Where there signs?” “What did I miss?” In my experience, there are almost always signs that the relationship is in trouble, sometimes even from the first weeks of the relationship.

In many cases, people quickly connect the dots and then feel embarrassed they weren't able to identify the signs earlier. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest when you are surrounded by trees. Therapy is helpful because it gives you distance and objectivity that are elusive while in the relationship.

I thought it might be helpful to list signs that may suggest your relationship is in trouble. Every relationship is different so the list may not apply to you. However, I have found the list below to be prevalent in troubled relationships.

There was never a “honeymoon” period. The “honeymoon” period is at least the first year of your relationship. If that first year was full of conflict and arguing, that's an ominous sign.

Children were conceived to fix the relationship. As a family and child psychologist, it pains me to hear a couple say they had kids to fix the relationship. I've never seen a relationship improve because a child has been added to the family. I've seen countless relationships further deteriorate when a newborn is thrown into the mix.

Your sex life is non-existent or a chore. Your sex life matters. Sex is as much an emotional act as it is a physical act. A non-existent sex life suggests there is a lack of intimacy, care, and trust in the relationship.

“We live different lives”. Maybe it's just about scheduling, but if you feel like you are living different lives, you probably also feel an emotional distance and void in your relationship.

You no longer spend time with friends. Yes, in some relationships you want to spend so much time with your significant other that friendships are sacrificed. However over the long-term, the healthiest relationships have a balance between spending time with each other and friends (separately and together).

Anger evolves into resentment. Anger happens in every relationship. It's normal and healthy. When anger becomes resentment, the angry feelings from an experience have now hardened into pain and hurt that threatens the foundation of the relationship.

Suspicion and jealousy is the norm. It's interesting to see one partner describe the other or themselves as “naturally” jealous. People aren't jealous naturally. Jealousy and suspicion arise when trust and openness are absent.

Reading this list with your partner would lead to conflict or more emotional distance. If you read this alone, pause for a moment and imagine what it would be like to read this with your partner. If you read this with your partner, it at least opens dialogue.


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With my previous post about parenting teens, I certainly didn't want to give the notion that teenagers are a population that you have to approach with caution or tiptoe around. Whether it's kids, teens, adults, or parents, each of these groups have qualities and hallmarks unique to their group. With that in mind, I thought it would be helpful to give teens some tips on how to talk to their parents. 

Before the tips, let's consider where parents are developmentally. For the first 12 or so years, parents are used to being the confidant, chauffeur, bank, best friend, rule-maker, and many other things for their kids. As I mentioned in the previous post, the teenage years result in a significant shift not only for the teen, but also for the parents. Both parent and teen identities are changing. Part of the process of a new identity is confusion, uncertainty, and anxiety. This is a recipe for conflict. Here are some tips that might be helpful:

1. Trust your parents. If your parents have been loving and trusting thus far, keep trusting. This doesn't mean you have to agree with them, just listen to their perspective.
   
   
2. Manage your anxiety. Your life is rapidly changing. Puberty, peer pressure, social demands, etc. That's a lot of pressure, and sometimes stress can affect your relationships. Figure out if your feelings are truly about your parents or something else.
   
   
3. Ask your parents ahead of time. I know, sometimes things are spontaneous. Parents don't expect you to know Tuesday what your plans are for the weekend. However, be proactive, and give your parents enough time to make a decision.
   
   
4. Keep promises. If you promise to be home at a certain time or to take the trash out, then do it. When your parents see you following through on a promise, they'll give you more independence.
   
   
5. Humor your parents by talking to them. If you talk to your parents, even about superficial stuff, parents will ask less questions. If you are secretive, don't be surprised when you are interrogated.
   
   
6. Introduce your friends. The introduction doesn't have to be hours, even a short 5-10 minute conversation can work. Then when you say you are hanging out with so and so, your parents will feel better because they have actually met the person.
   
   Quick thought: If you don't want to introduce your friends, what does that mean about your friends?
   
   
7. Want more independence, act responsibly. No one expects you to be perfect, but be responsible. If you make a mistake, own it. If your parents trust you, then maintain that trust by doing the right thing.
   
   
8. Timing is everything. If you have a request, wait for the right time to ask. If you and your parents aren't on the best of terms in the moment, it's probably not the best time to ask for something.
   
   
9. Be honest. Parents always tell me what hurts the most is when their teens lie to them. Teens will counter with they have to lie because their parents will be mad. Sometimes parents should be mad, but when lying enters the game, trust leaves.
   
   
10. Ask for space. Life is hard, being a teen is harder. If you need space, ask for it. Let your parents know that you don't want to talk right now, but give them a specific time when you will talk to them.
    
    

Keep in mind these are general tips. Many teens and parents are probably reading this and thinking these tips aren't realistic. This is true in some cases, and that's why the next post is going to focus on when there is already conflict in the parent-teen dynamic.


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In this final post for this communication series, let's focus less on you and more on your audience. Mentioned in previous posts, you can express yourself clearly, but that doesn't mean that you will be understood or even heard. If you aren't communicating in a way that can connect with the other person, then you're wasting your time. Here are some things to consider about the other person:

Age. The age of the person you are talking to matters. You speak differently to children, teens, and adults. If you are speaking to a child or even teens, try to use short, succinct statements. Avoid sentences with multiple steps unless the person has shown an ability to multi-task.  

Especially for young children, body language and tone are important. I strongly recommend when talking to a child, come down to their level, literally. Adults are intimidating to children, sit down or even kneel down when speaking to a child, even if you are angry. You are already in charge, there isn't a need to be physically intimidating as well. 

One of the biggest complaints from teens is their parents talk to them like they are children. I know for parents, their kids will always be children. But a conversation can be much more productive if you speak to your teen like they are a young adult. That doesn't mean you agree with everything they say, it just means be aware of your tone and potential for speaking in a condescending manner. 

Communication Style. This is a part of communication that gets overlooked. Is the person you are talking to a visual or auditory learner? Some people prefer to have written directions while others can listen to directions and perform flawlessly.

Are you assertive or passive in your communication? How about the other person? Sometimes the message can be lost in the presentation. Be aware of how you present yourself and how the other person presents to you. Sometimes a video of a conversation can provide incredible insight into personal mannerisms.

Previous experiences. History has a tendency of repeating itself. Reflect on what has lead to productive versus unproductive conversations. Share your thoughts with the other person and compare notes. Even if it is unconventional, it may work for you. 

Everything that I write about is based from my training and experiences. The writings are more of a guideline than manual. Go with what works for you, as long as there aren't unhealthy consequences. 

I've attempted to capture some of the major themes and hurdles to effective, healthy communication in this series. I hope these 4 posts on communication have been helpful. This doesn't mean the posts on communicating are over, there will certainly be more. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support!

This is the 3rd post in this series on communication. The first post (here) focused on what to do prior to a conversation. The second (here) centered on tips to consider while communicating. This post is how to fight fair, specifically how to have healthy communication during a argument.

Fighting is healthy. Disagreeing is healthy. What is unhealthy is when fighting and disagreeing turns into emotional, verbal, and/or physical abuse. You have two responsibilities during a conversation: 1) be aware of your own actions 2) be aware of how the other person's actions are impacting you. If these seem overwhelming, try being aware of what is manageable, especially during an argument. Here are some suggestions for how to fight fair.

Focus on one issue. Have one argument at a time. If you are talking about finances, talk about finances. Don't throw intimacy or other issues into one conversation. If there is a repetitive pattern of a behavior (e.g. dishonesty, forgetfulness, insensitivity), have the conversation about one instance. It's usually not productive to recall something that has happened months or years ago.

You might be thinking that you have to bring up other examples of the behavior to show that it's been a problem for a long time. There are instances where this might apply. If you feel it is necessary, bring it into the conversation as a way of showing a pattern, not as a way of punishing the person repeatedly and endlessly for past mistakes. If this is difficult for you, read my previous posts about letting go and grudges.

If you find yourself bringing up specific instances from the past, it may very well be you are presenting these issues to show a pattern of behavior. However, it may be these issues are still memorable because you have unresolved feelings about what happened. If there are unresolved feelings, then set a time to talk about them after reaching a resolution about the current issue.

No name calling or insults. Name calling and insults happen when you have been hurt. If you are tossing insults, it's usually to hurt the other person.  Once insults and sharp criticism enter the conversation, the actual issue is lost in the back and forth. Also, you might use a name or insult that you really regret later. I've worked with many couples where one person had a very difficult time healing from a specific insult that happened years ago.

Listen. Listen. An argument usually intensifies when there is a breakdown in listening and message comprehension. If you find yourself preparing your response before the other person has finished speaking, then you are probably more interested in debating your perspective than listening to theirs. If someone has ever told you, “You'd be a really good lawyer”, then this might apply to you. 

Take a break. If things get too heated or unproductive, take a break. If you are feeling overwhelmed or unable to express yourself, say so. When you take a break, set a time or day to come back and reengage. Many people feel dismissed and angry if someone asks for a break without a timetable for returning to the issue. So when you say, “I need a break”, add a “let's talk about this after dinner or on Wednesday after my presentation.” Setting a time shows that you are still invested on solving the issue. Taking a break isn't giving up, it's being human. 

Find what works. Not to undermine what I just wrote, but find what works for you and your relationship. I always recommend having the conversation in person. If that's too difficult, try email, a letter, phone call, or even including another person. Those aren't ideal but if they are more effective than talking in person, go with what works. Relationships are complex, sometimes there is no black and white solution.

Again, it is healthy to disagree and fight in your relationship. I'd be weary of a relationship where there is never a disagreement. Fighting can strengthen your relationship as it shows that you trust the other person to engage in something that might be uncomfortable, as long as you fight fair. 

The final part of this communication series will focus on being aware of who you are talking to.  


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support!