Ask someone about what makes a relationship strong, and you'll get responses that include trust, honesty, communication or a mix of all three. Trust is a requirement for a healthy relationship. But what happens when that trust is broken? Here are some tips to consider to rebuild the trust in your relationship,

Acknowledge the process will be difficult. Rebuilding trust is a complex and difficult task. Accept that there will be progress and setbacks, it will be time-consuming, and that the relationship may not survive. 
 
Reflect on how trust was broken. In order to fix something, you have to know why and how it broke. Every relationship is different, but usually there are signs of trouble in the relationship. 

What was each person's role? It takes two to tango. It's important to be accountable for your behavior, however, it's equally important to understand how the distrusting behavior came about. I've written more about this process in a post about infidelity. 

Express your pain and uncertainty. People aren't computers. You can't just reboot and wipe out a virus from your system. Share your feelings with the person. Acknowledge that there is pain, confusion, anger, and sadness. You have to purge your emotional world. 

Let go. Letting go is not about forgiving the other person, it's about forgiving yourself and moving forward. In order to move forward in a relationship, you have to come to peace with the past. Letting go can be difficult but it doesn't have to hold you back from happiness. 

Mutual recommitment. Both people have to recommit to the relationship. If there has been infidelity, all communication has to be severed with the person, all communication. You can't recommit when your mind and emotions are somewhere else. 

Communicate. Start from the basics. Seek counseling. If trust was violated, it almost always means the communication was lacking or artificial. Learn how to communicate respectfully and effectively. 

Express what you need from one another. Part of the recommitment process is being clear and direct about not only what was lacking, but also what each person needs moving forward. 

Set goals together. A therapist may be helpful here to provide balance and a realistic expectation. Setting goals together provides two things: 1) both people are on the same page about the direction of the relationship, 2) it's a healthy exercise of communication and connection, which was probably lacking in the relationship. 

Check in regularly. Again, weekly therapy sessions can be helpful here. Or set aside time each week to check in and reflect on progress, difficulties, or changes in the trust rebuilding process. Weekly discussions also keep you invested and mindful of your relationship. Another thing that was lacking that lead to the trust fissure. 

Praise and show gratitude. Praise one another for effort and positive growth, even if it's minuscule. Just like letting go, the process of praising can be beneficial not only for the other person, but also for you. 


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Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 

A family member was recently diagnosed with a mental illness. I want to help but I don't know what to do. What can I do for this person?

-- Anonymous August 2014

It's almost a certainty that every person will find themselves asking this question as approximately 1 in 4 people will experience a mental illness during their lifetime. For a comparison, do you know anyone that is left handed? Approximately 10% of the population is a lefty. So you're 2.5 times more likely to know someone with a mental illness than a lefty. 

Mental illness is a condition like no other. An individual's mental illness is unique. Universally effective interventions don't exist in the way that a medical doctor might treat a broken bone. Here are 10 tips for what to do if a family member has a mental illness:

Accept the Illness. Accept that the person has a mental illness. Understand that the symptoms you see are rooted in the mental illness, not the person. 

Educate yourself. What's the first thing someone does when they are diagnosed with a medical condition? Immediate Google search. Do the same with depression, anxiety, or the diagnosed condition. Research not only the health condition but also ways to intervene in positive and healthy ways. 

Attend health professional appointments with your family member. Ask questions at appointments about symptoms, warning signs, and coping strategies. 

Combine your Google education with your family experience. I tell patients and families that they are the expert on themselves and their family. With your newly found education from researching the illness, see how that education fits with your family. Not all individuals have the same family dynamic and symptom presentation.

Respect. Treat each member of the family with respect. A mental illness does not make anyone less valuable or worthy. Although this previous post is about addiction, many of the tips can be generally applied in how to communicate in a respectful and empathic way. 

Keep your family intact. Yes, a mental illness calls for an increase in attention, time, and energy for that individual, but don't lose focus on the other members of the family. Continue family activities to the extent that you can.

Be realistic. One of the first questions I hear is, "How long does this last and when is it cured?" There isn't an easy answer. Have a major goal in mind but break the big goal down into smaller goals. In developing these goals, include all appropriate members of the family, including the person with the mental illness. 

Stay connected. It's not uncommon for families to experience shame, confusion, and embarrassment. Part of your education is accepting that one person isn't to blame, and it's vital to stay connected to others. Continue relationships with friends and other families. Reach out to support groups through organizations like NAMI.

Be a clear and consistent presence. It can be difficult but be a consistent and healthy support for your family member. Find that healthy balance and stay away from contributing to unhealthy behavior. Sometimes your love can enable unhealthy behaviors and decisions. When you find that line, have a discussion with your family member about how you see your role in their life and the possible limitations of your role. 

Stay healthy. Make sure that you continue to make healthy decisions for yourself. Be aware that you aren't significantly sacrificing your mental health in trying to fix a loved one. You can only help when you are at your best, or at least in a mentally strong state. Whatever activities help you manage stress, continue them. 

I often recommend family members to participate in their own therapy as it can be incredibly stressful when dealing with another family member's mental illness.

Remain hopeful, realistic, but hopeful. Hope doesn't fix a mental illness, but it provides an atmosphere to remain motivated to overcome a mental illness. Hope doesn't have to be the notion that this mental illness will be gone by the end of the week, it can be that we are going to have a good day. 

As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 

Let's skip over the moral debate, just bypass that altogether. In fact, let's work from the perspective that pornography is just like any other activity or hobby. 

Pornography's accessibility is incredibly easy. Statistics show that the average age of exposure is 11, and the largest and fastest growing consumer of internet pornography are kids aged 12-17. That's alarming, especially considering this is the developmental period when kids learn about and experience relationships. 

There is a natural process of learning about romance: the innocence of sliding a note to someone, asking a friend to ask for you, actually saying "i like you." Pornography bypasses this maturation process and pushes people into a completely different world. Kids and even young adults aren't psychologically and neurologically mature, so pornographic content becomes a part of their maturation and personal belief system. 

A relationship is an emotional connection with another; pornography is a lonely attempt to satisfy your needs.
There is a must-watch TEDxGlasgow talk about how the brain is affected by pornography, I really recommend it. In that video, the presenter speaks about dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in the reward system. The reward system is linked to the prefrontal cortex, a brain area that develops well into a person's late 20s. Internet pornography gives you perceived satisfaction with the click of a button, something that is impossible in real life.

Imagine the idea that you could feel satisfied with one click of a button, you believed that satisfaction and happiness were that easy. That's an unrealistic goal and unrealistic goals can lead to relationship issues, personal disappointments, and psychological disorders.

In working with couples where one or both are addicted to porn, there are usually expressions of marital emptiness and dissatisfaction. Over 50% of divorces involve one or both persons having an obsessive interest in pornography. Pornography was sought to fill a void or provide novelty. In reality, it isolates and distances people. Part of the work is understanding the personal void and helping couples reconnect in a healthy, meaningful way. 

Individuals with an addiction to pornography talk about a chase of making a fleeting moment of satisfaction more permanent. It warps your mind and belief system much in the same way that Hollywood movies do. The work here involves increasing awareness that this is an unhealthy chase that can't be won, and permanent satisfaction is based in actual relationships, not internet content. 

Most assume that pornography addiction is almost exclusively a problem for boys and men. That's simply not the case as about 1/3 of the visitors to pornographic websites are women. So it's a problem that's faced by both boys and girls and men and women.

Pornography and other addictions can literally change the neural circuitry of your brain. It can alter your emotions and belief system. However, it's never too late to better and work on yourself. 


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It's something that always seems to come up in therapy when people are reflecting on current and past relationships. A relationship sours or ends and most people ask aloud, “Where there signs?” “What did I miss?” In my experience, there are almost always signs that the relationship is in trouble, sometimes even from the first weeks of the relationship.

In many cases, people quickly connect the dots and then feel embarrassed they weren't able to identify the signs earlier. Sometimes it's hard to see the forest when you are surrounded by trees. Therapy is helpful because it gives you distance and objectivity that are elusive while in the relationship.

I thought it might be helpful to list signs that may suggest your relationship is in trouble. Every relationship is different so the list may not apply to you. However, I have found the list below to be prevalent in troubled relationships.

There was never a “honeymoon” period. The “honeymoon” period is at least the first year of your relationship. If that first year was full of conflict and arguing, that's an ominous sign.

Children were conceived to fix the relationship. As a family and child psychologist, it pains me to hear a couple say they had kids to fix the relationship. I've never seen a relationship improve because a child has been added to the family. I've seen countless relationships further deteriorate when a newborn is thrown into the mix.

Your sex life is non-existent or a chore. Your sex life matters. Sex is as much an emotional act as it is a physical act. A non-existent sex life suggests there is a lack of intimacy, care, and trust in the relationship.

“We live different lives”. Maybe it's just about scheduling, but if you feel like you are living different lives, you probably also feel an emotional distance and void in your relationship.

You no longer spend time with friends. Yes, in some relationships you want to spend so much time with your significant other that friendships are sacrificed. However over the long-term, the healthiest relationships have a balance between spending time with each other and friends (separately and together).

Anger evolves into resentment. Anger happens in every relationship. It's normal and healthy. When anger becomes resentment, the angry feelings from an experience have now hardened into pain and hurt that threatens the foundation of the relationship.

Suspicion and jealousy is the norm. It's interesting to see one partner describe the other or themselves as “naturally” jealous. People aren't jealous naturally. Jealousy and suspicion arise when trust and openness are absent.

Reading this list with your partner would lead to conflict or more emotional distance. If you read this alone, pause for a moment and imagine what it would be like to read this with your partner. If you read this with your partner, it at least opens dialogue.


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So the short answer is there really isn't a “right” time to tell your children you are getting divorced. Ideally, you would like to tell them when they have some time to process this major family event, like a long weekend or school break. Each child is different and you have to take into consideration that each process experiences and emotions uniquely. With that said, there are a number of things you can do to make sure your kids are protected during the divorce process.

Many parents forget their decisions and behaviors can greatly impact the entire family, even if their intent is directed at the soon-to-be ex-spouse. I was once at a conference and one of the clinicians said he asked divorcing parents if they would ever hurt their children. The parents unsurprisingly responded they would not. His response was, “Then why would you put them in the middle of a knife fight?” What the clinician was implying is sometimes we don't realize we are putting others in difficult and often hurtful situations.

I will say this, if one or both parents are being suggestive or are doing things that are confusing and irritating to the children (e.g., bringing "friends" to the house or secretly talking on the phone), then have the conversation sooner than later. The more clarity regarding the family status, the better. 

Divorce is a loss, a family is being torn apart. It's hard, even if it's a relief. Here are some tips to make the divorce process less difficult for the children.

Tell them together. You and your spouse probably aren't on the best of terms, but it is important to find a way to tell your children together. It's hard enough to hear it once, don't make your kids experience the divorce conversation twice, if possible.

The same message. Telling your children together ensures that each parent is saying the same thing. I highly encourage parents to meet together without the children first to make sure their message is the same.

Now I know some may think this is unfair, especially if one person feels they have been wronged (e.g., infidelity). That's an issue between mom and dad, and something that the kids shouldn't have to worry about. You have to remember that your ex is still a parent. 

Maintain healthy boundaries. Your children aren't your therapists. They aren't messengers. They are your kids, let them be kids. If they are adamant and ask what happened or who was at fault, you can say it's something between mom and dad. Stay away from statements like, "Don't ask me, I didn't do anything wrong", that suggest blame is exclusive to one person

Be emotionally available. Make sure your children know that they can come and express any feelings now or in the future about the divorce. Whether it's anger, sadness, relief, or happiness, the parents should be available for support or just to listen.

It's not your fault. This is what you should be saying to your children. This is a grown-up issue and many times children will feel like they did something to break up the family. You have to make sure your children know the divorce has nothing to do with the them.

If you could go back in time, would you do it all over again?. The correct answer is yes.  If anything, make sure your children know that you wouldn't change the relationship because the marriage led to them. Also, don't swear off future relationships or marriage in general. I've heard many kids say they never want to get married because of what the parents say about marriage. 

Find support throughout the divorce process. If you want to be a good parent during this stressful time, you have to take care of yourself. That may mean leaning even more so on a friend, family member, or professional. 

You might want to consider therapy for your child(ren) as well, even if they seem to be managing life well. Therapy can provide a consistent, safe space to decompress and process feelings related to the divorce and family.


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In an earlier post, I wrote extensively about the value of premarital counseling, and how I believe premarital counseling should be a part of wedding preparations.

Think about it, $100s on a cake, $1,000s on a photographer and other expenses. The average wedding costs well over $10,000. Premarital counseling would be a very thin slice of the marriage budget pie.

Counseling has a negative connotation, and I’m not sure anything can change that. Premarital counseling isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually an incredibly pro-active, healthy process to ensure that the most important relationship in your life starts on solid ground.

I’ve worked with many engaged couples who have come for a few sessions to talk aloud about their relationship, and to see if they are missing any potential issues. Having kept in contact with these couples, they for the most part continue to report having satisfying, happy marriages. Unfortunately these couples are few and far between.

The vast majority of couples come to therapy during a crisis or when there is such emotional distance between one another that the relationship seems beyond repair. Instead of repeating the ideas and points from the previous blog column, I wanted to give three examples of major issues couples face in the first year of marriage: compromise, money, and the extended family.

Compromise. The biggest adjustment for most is the actual process of merging two lives into one home. Furniture, TVs, kitchenware, clothes, beds, etc. What to keep, what to get rid of, where to live. It’s endless. The important part is finding compromise. The foundation of compromise is each person partially sacrifices what they want. Compromise promotes two things: 1) each person is flexible in their wants and needs, and 2) there is mutual care and respect in the relationship.

Money. It doesn't buy happiness, but it can certainly bring stress. Money matters, and it's one of the biggest causes of conflict and divorce. Talk about money so that both people are comfortable with the finances. Talk specifics. Is your household going to have one earner or two, for how long, what are your financial goals? Many couples meet weekly or monthly to talk about household income and expenses. Even if money is not an issue, talking about it builds a comfort level which is important if finances ever do become an issue.

Extended family. Better known as “the in-laws”. Talking about families can be very difficult, because there are a lot of emotions attached to family, and rightfully so. The underlying issue with extended families is boundaries (click here for more about boundaries). When you get married, you are a part of a new family born out of two existing families.

As a new family, you have to find your own identity. This doesn’t mean extended family is excluded, it means you and your partner have to agree on the extent of family inclusion (if any). Once you find agreement, there has to be consistency. Both people have to abide by the agreed boundaries. Lastly, communication about extended family has to be open, honest, and respectful. Beliefs and feelings change, and healthy communication allows for open dialogue about what to do with shifting beliefs.

These are three examples of many issues that arise in the first year of marriage. If you and your partner are having difficulty adjusting to marriage, seek support and guidance. Whatever you do, don’t have children because you think it will fix the marriage.

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Enabling is a term that has become more mainstream in the last decade or so, especially with the popularity of 12-step programs (and reality TV) for those with addiction issues. However, enabling behavior isn’t new, and it’s not limited to addiction.

What is that fine line between love and enabling? Love is however you define it. More than likely some part of that definition includes unconditional acceptance. The notion that you are loved exactly the way you are.

Enabling grows out of and is driven by love. Enabling is loving someone to the extent that you excuse and then assume their responsibilities. The more you take over their responsibilities, the more they depend on you. The cycle continues, around and around it goes.  

With addiction, the addict might be in excruciating pain and the only thing that will help is another fix. Out of love, they are given a few dollars for that one fix. The mind rationalizes the behavior in a number of ways, including that if they are given the money they’ll see that they are loved, or that it’s better to get the money from a loved one than to do something harmful or even criminal.  

With children, enabling might be in the form of eating. Your little one takes two bites of dinner, says they are full, and then comes back an hour later complaining of starvation. As a parent you don’t want your child to go hungry; at the same time, you don’t want to set the example that it’s okay to avoid dinner and finagle your way into a delicious dessert (preferably something with peanut butter).  

With teenagers, it could be allowing your teen to stay up late and then they don’t want to go to school because they feel tired. You think to yourself they do look really tired so maybe this one time. Even something this minor could be the start of a major case of enabling.

Seemingly healthy relationships aren’t immune to enabling. One person works a stressful job and then doesn’t take care of their responsibilities at home. The other compensates and takes over all of their responsibilities. You can see how this might become problematic over time.

Enabling happens with emotions as well. If you withhold your feelings because your partner doesn’t handle emotional conversations well, then you may be enabling their inability to connect and empathize with you and your needs. Resentment, confusion, and loneliness can grow and suddenly a relationship is in trouble.

You might be thinking sometimes you have to pick up the slack. People have bad days, weeks, even months. That’s absolutely correct. Sometimes it’s not enabling. It’s being there for the other person when they need extra support. A sign of enabling is if you find yourself taking over the other person’s responsibilities, things that have been discussed many times in the past. There are certain behaviors that a child/teen/adult should be able to do.

The other component, and a discussion for another time, is what is happening that you allow yourself to be the enabler. Is it that you are an amazingly compassionate person, or maybe it’s difficult to advocate for yourself and express troubling feelings to someone you love? Enabling is a two-person process. Both have a responsibility.

Identifying enabling behavior can be difficult, because the motivation is grounded in love. However, if you regularly ask yourself why someone continues to behave a certain way (especially if the behavior is harmful), it is worthwhile to look at each person’s responsibility in the behavior. Sometimes love is confronting the other on their issues or shortcomings, as long as the approach is fueled with compassion and sensitivity.


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A major part of therapy is increasing your awareness, not just of your surroundings and other people, but also of yourself. Self-awareness is a process centered on gaining insight into how your thoughts and feelings impact you, others, and relationships. In this post I want to take a tangible turn and focus on listening to your body, literally.

The idea of becoming more aware of your physical experience and signals is grounded in the mindfulness process. I’ll write more about that at a later time but if you are interested, just do a quick search of mindfulness.

It’s my belief that the majority of mental health issues come down to a combination of feeling depressed, anxious, or both and struggling with how to cope with these feelings. This is a gross simplification, but in the end most conditions have an anxious or depressed underpinning. I often ask patients how you know you are depressed, anxious, or both. How do you know? Most describe an event (or many) that explains a change in their emotions and behaviors. This is an appropriate response, but it usually doesn't include a description of how their body is reacting during times of duress.

About those body signals. I start with fairly easy, straightforward questions. How do you know you are hungry or thirsty? How do you know you are hot? The answers are obvious: stomach growls, throat is dry, you sweat or feel warm. The same rationale applies to depression and anxiety or any emotion for that matter. Your body almost always tells you when you are happy, sad, angry, etc.

Even when feeling depressed your body sends you signals. Common symptoms include but are not limited to lack of energy, somatic complaints (aches and pains), decreased appetite, and tears from eyes (also known as crying). As for cognitive issues, symptoms include poor concentration, negativistic thinking, and memory problems.

For anxiety, common cognitive symptoms include but are not limited to excessive worrying, difficulty concentrating, and attention issues. Physical symptoms include sweating, tremors and shakes, chest pain, fatigue, and nausea.

Increase your body awareness when in an emotional state. Specifically, ask yourself what is physically happening when you are happy, sad, etc. Making connections between bodily cues and emotions will lead to an improved quality of life. For example, if you know you have trouble paying attention when anxious, by identifying the anxiety you can then intervene with relaxation techniques before the anxiety impacts your thinking. If you have unhealthy conversations when feeling hurt, recognizing your emotions will assist you in coping with your hurt feelings until you are in a psychological state where you can have a healthy conversation.

A good exercise is to reflect on the lowest and highest moments of your day (or any memorable experience), how you felt, and what if anything was happening with your body. As you do this more often, you will become efficient in identifying the body-emotion connections. Soon you’ll be able to recognize how you feel during that emotional experience instead of afterwards. I’ll write much more about how to become more mindful of your body and experience in the coming weeks.

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In a relationship, how do you tell your partner hard things they don't want
to hear? 

-- Anonymous August 2013

So this question not only comes up in most therapy experiences, but also on a daily basis for most people. If someone is complaining or expressing frustration about a relationship, there is probably a conversation that hasn't been had, that needs to be had.

Relationships are work. Relationships are fun when things are going well. Maybe that’s why it’s difficult to have a conversation that may lead to a disagreement, argument, or even a breakup. At some level, there is fear and anxiety about what might happen if avoided issues are brought to attention. When a relationship seems to be going well, it takes a lot of courage to discuss an issue that may lead to conflict.

So how do you have a difficult conversation with a loved one? Here are a few things to consider.

Imagine your partner’s emotional reaction. Recognize why you feel the conversation will be difficult. Try to imagine how your partner might react. If you think they will respond with anger and defensiveness, then try to start the conversation by saying you are not trying to cause hurt or anger (or any negative emotion). If your partner expresses hurt or anger, then apologize and repeat that your intent is not to hurt but to better a situation.

Emphasize care and concern. Clarify that you are bringing this issue to attention because you care about the other person, and how certain actions impact your partner and you. Reiterate that you are initiating this conversation out of care and love, and that the conversation is needed for change; change that would benefit your partner and the relationship.

Find a moment of empathy. Recognize how you feel. Then find an experience where your partner felt the same way. Make a connection between the two. Let’s say you are frustrated by your partner’s pattern of starting but not finishing a task. With that, let’s say your kids have a tendency to not put their toys away after playing and it’s very frustrating for your partner. Then you could say, “You know how you feel when the kids leave a mess of toys, that’s how I feel when you start something and then don’t finish it.” Connecting an emotion with your message increases the impact of your message.

Context and comfort. Understand your partner. If your partner prefers to talk privately, then have a private conversation. If they are more comfortable knowing ahead of time that a serious conversation is needed, then give them a heads up. Providing a familiar environment is a great way to give your partner a sense of control and to show that you are attune to their feelings.

I usually do not recommend this, but if they are more comfortable communicating via email, then try initiating the conversation via email. Again, I don’t recommend having an email conversation instead of a face-to-face conversation, but for some it’s an easier, more comfortable way to express thoughts and absorb information. You have a better chance of a productive conversation if both people are in a relaxed mindset.

Praise. Lastly, appreciate your partner for being open to a difficult conversation. Even if an issue isn't resolved, praising your partner's effort of being attentive and listening to your feelings will make future conversations smoother and hopefully productive. A simple “thanks for listening” can go a long way.

Although scary, these are the type of conversations that can strengthen your relationship. Openness about one’s feelings in a relationship sets clear and healthy boundaries for you and your partner. You can read more about boundaries here.

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Unfortunately it happens all the time: infidelity in relationships. No one enters a relationship with the intention to be unfaithful. So why do people cheat?

There is plenty of evidence that we are hardwired to stray, that the human species like most others is not naturally monogamous. With that said, let’s shelf the biology and focus on the psychology. In working with couples who have experienced infidelity, there usually is a process of deterioration in the relationship that culminates in cheating by one or both partners. Let’s take a closer look at that process:

Emotional dishonesty.  Emotional dishonesty is not being open with your partner about your feelings. If something is upsetting, then it is your responsibility (to yourself, partner, and relationship) to share your feelings. When you keep feelings to yourself, your partner will continue to be in the dark about how you feel, and an opportunity to be heard, validated, and comforted is lost.

Relational distance.  With enough emotional dishonesty, comes emotional distance. If you feel you can’t talk to your partner about your emotions, the distance between you and your partner will grow. The more you withhold your feelings, the more likely you are to feel confused, resentful, and alone.

This distance is exacerbated when the response to shared feelings is dismissive, critical, or lacking empathy. In session, couples regularly talk about how a major issue in their relationship is the mutual inability to accept how each other feel. The result is one or both individuals feel unheard, uncared for, and unloved.  

Sense of void.  Once the distance is large enough, it becomes a void. This usually occurs after months or years of relational dysfunction, and it’s one of the most challenging parts of couples therapy. Usually this void is accompanied by sadness, anger, and hopelessness. The individual shifts to self-preservation mode, fully believing that they are alone in the relationship.

Novel excitation.  Emotions are stirred by someone outside of the relationship. Happiness, excitement, and positive emotions are experienced that have been long absent in the current relationship. The "new" person highlights what is lacking in the current relationship. Usually those who are unfaithful describe the encounter as fulfilling what was perceived to be missing in life.

I’m guessing most have picked up on (maybe ad nauseam) of how emotions were mentioned in almost every sentence. That was for a reason. Emotions are the foundation of any relationship. I've never had a couple come into my office and say they are as happy as ever, but are having problems and need couples therapy.

Some may read this post and think I am condoning cheating. My aim here was to provide perspective on why someone might stray from a relationship. I will say that whenever a couple talks about infidelity, a part of therapy (with me, at least) is exploring the role each person played. The goal is for each person to better understand how each impacts the other.

Lastly, it’s important to check in with your partner regularly about your relationship. Don’t wait until it’s too late.  


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support!