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The Food You Eat May Be Affecting Your Mental Health

7/7/2014

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We've known for decades that our diet impacts on our physical health. But what about our psychological health? Can diet impact mood, depression, anxiety, other psychological disorders?

Diet and mental health research has largely focused on physical and medical health and their subsequent impact on mental health. Study findings have revealed important relationships in how physical and medical issues impact mental health acutely and chronically. We also know that mental health can affect treatment outcome for medical illnesses, reinforcing the belief of a link between the physical and psychological.

Research investigating the food-mental health relationship is at a nascent stage which is exciting and suggests caution in preliminary findings. Most laboratory research has focused on rats, but studies with human participants comparing diets and mental health across nations and cultures do exist. These studies are finding that people who have diets with less processed foods and more nutrient-dense foods (vegetables, seafood, nuts, fruits, beans) have a lower risk of mental health issues. 

Then there are anecdotal observations from clinical work, including my own. Two of the most common observations patients share with me are taking a daily omega-3 supplement and removing gluten (pasta, baked goods) from their diet had significant positive affects on their mood and a decrease in their depressive symptoms. Again consider this anecdotal evidence with caution and do your own research. 

Certain foods affect, for better or worse, your cognitive capabilities of memory and concentration. Memory and concentration are both influenced by depression and anxiety. Foods can also affect the production of neurotransmitters (acetylcholine, norepinephrine, 
dopamine, serotonin). These neurotransmitters greatly influence the expression of psychological disorders. So is it that much of a jump to hypothesize that foods with certain nutrients and acids could either mitigate or exacerbate anxiety and depression? It's a question being asked by scientists across the globe. 

For 99.99% of human existence, society was exclusively a hunter-gatherer system. It was completely natural to seek out fatty, rich foods because there was no certainty about where and when the next meal would come. Now food is easily accessible for most of us. Our bodies weren't built or programmed for easy food access, and now we're seeing the fallout of that with skyrocketing rates of heart disease, obesity, and other medical conditions. People can't evolve fast enough so they are breaking down physically, physiologically, and mentally. 

Be aware of what you eat. Ask yourself how you are feeling after you eat a certain food? How is your energy level, mood? Are you able to concentrate? You might be surprised by what you find. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 


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Why The Typical U.S. Intervention In Iraq Will Fail: The Psychology of Foreign Policy

6/20/2014

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This analysis will not focus on the usual variables that are debated ad nauseam by foreign policy “experts” on all news channels. The explanation provided here will be rooted in psychology with an emphasis on relationships and motivation. I'll be arguing that the role of psychology has been lacking in foreign policy equations, and until considered, American foreign policy will continue to falter, especially in the Middle East.

Relationships

Every relationship has complexities and a uniqueness. When working with someone in therapy, I conduct a clinical interview over numerous sessions gathering information including present, cultural, family, and historical issues. Some ask if this is necessary. It is, because the interview provides a complete picture of the person. Therapy can then be tailored to the individual's specific needs. Additionally, this helps me connect with the person which is integral to the therapy work.

The same should apply in relating to another country. If I were to clinically interview Iraq, a few issues would arise for consideration when it comes time to relate and intervene. For Iraq, you have to look at the people's psychology. The consensus is most Americans regret the 2003 Iraq invasion. The Iraqis generally feel negatively about American intervention, dating back decades.

From the Iraqi mindset, American foreign policy has been troubling. A lack of trust exists which is never good for cooperation. If American foreign policy continues as it has for decades, Iraqis won't buy in and any progress will be at a superficial level. Even if the policy can be successful, it will be met with resentment and hostility due to history. Much like in therapy, if I persist with the same intervention that hasn't been effective with a patient, it's unproductive and potentially harmful. 

Motivation

Motivation does not receive enough attention in the foreign policy world. The two types of motivation, are intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is a desire to do something because it is personally important or appealing to you. Extrinsic motivation is the opposite; the drive for something is due to external factors such as praise, punishment, or money. Studying psychology because you have a natural interest in the subject is an example of intrinsic motivation. Studying so you can get an A on an exam is an example of extrinsic motivation. 

When you are intrinsically motivated, you tend to feel more satisfied, engaged, valued, and open to improvement (Wigfield, Guthrie, Tonks, & Perencevich, 2004). Americans are largely dissatisfied with their work which results in the loss of hundreds of billions of dollars to the economy each year (Gallup, 2013). It appears most people are extrinsically motivated to work. People work for money so that they can live. Employers are constantly looking for ways to intrinsically motivate their employees to increase productivity, efficiency, pride, and longevity. In therapy, one of the many techniques used is to cultivate extrinsic motivation to help patients to move forward, with the ultimate goal being to foster an intrinsic motivation for real change.

What does any of this have to do with Iraq? In many ways, a country is like a company and the citizens are employees. The citizens of the most successful, happiest countries in the world scored high on civic engagement, sense of community, and overall life satisfaction. All of these variables are associated with personal goals and intrinsic motivation. These traits are lacking in Iraq at a national level. For decades, the fate of Iraq has been in the hands of dictators or foreign nations, leaving Iraq without an identity. Instead of building a national identity and sense of togetherness, the country has been unstable and most citizens are focused on personal safety and survival.  
What does this mean for foreign policy?

Leaders of many countries repeatedly champion that all actions that are taken will be in the nation's best interest. When other countries hear this type of rhetoric, what are they to think? These type of statements can only weaken the relationship between two countries, especially if one country openly speaks about self-interests. Imagine two people being in a relationship and one person constantly does things because it is in their self-interest to do so. Does that sound like a healthy relationship?

Foreign policy needs to focus on mutual best interests, not just one nation's. This may sound like a weak stance but in reality it's an empathic, courageous approach. It's also the opposite of the policy that has been failing for decades. The goal of foreign policy should include identity formation, national building from within, and instilling a sense of pride and optimism at a personal level. 

Intrinsic motivation needs to be a part of any intervention. If Iraqis don't feel a personal and natural investment in their country, they won't fight for their country because it doesn't feel like their country. How do you nurture intrinsic motivation? Allow Iraqis to have a major role in the decisions and direction of the country. That doesn't mean step back and watch passively, it means allow the Iraqis to take the driver's seat. In therapy, real characterological change doesn't happen if the therapist is providing solutions and giving advice. Fundamental change occurs when the individual recognizes and works for increased awareness and self-improvement. As this therapy process unfolds, the therapist metaphorically transitions from the passenger seat, to the back seat, and eventually into an image in the rear view mirror.

Experts like to talk about historical events as examples to support current policies and interventions. A quick review of Iraq's history shows external interventions and values are ineffective in the long term. Even in America's history, the Civil War was a turning point because it was an organic, intrinsic conflict. Outside forces did not play an active role. Would America be the success that it is today if France or Spain facilitated the Civil War? Americans were responsible for the Civil War and that's why it had a profound impact on the direction of the country. Just like every patient, every nation is different. Foreign policy has to be tailored to each country's needs and goals. 

The same model has to be considered for Iraq. Ask the Iraqis what they want to increase their intrinsic motivation and investment in their country. Considering their goals and aspirations. If Iraqis want to isolate and manage the country on their own, so be it. If they want international intervention limited to assistance from bordering countries, so be it. If they want an Islamic state, so be it. With each decision there are positive and negative consequences. That is part of nation building and identity formation. It's important to recognize that Iraq is a country that is less than 100 years old. It takes time but Iraqis have to engage in their future, and that happens by giving them the keys to the car.

Just like therapy and self-improvement, it takes time and experience. Look where America was 100 years after it's founding. Some might say America in the 1870s was similar to Iraq in the 2000s in many ways. It may be messy and even tragic, but if Iraq is going to be self-sustaining and prosperous, foreign policy has to start with the Iraqi people. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support!

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5 Factors That Can Impact Your Mental Health

5/5/2014

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Let's skip the conversation about our mental health being a mixture of biological, cultural, individual and environmental factors. People are a mixture of all those factors. Let's focus on the factors that can be addressed and even improved. 

Stress. Stress has a negative connotation almost exclusively (e.g., "I'm stressed out!"). Stress can actually be a good thing, when it's at a moderate level. Studies have shown that stress not only affects your physical health, but also your mental health. Chronic stress has been linked to depression, anxiety, and other psychological issues. 

Relationships. It's rare to find a psychologically healthy and well-rounded individual who lives in social isolation. People are naturally social and connecting with others is healthy. Relationships provide support and safety. When we feel safe, we tend to feel happier. When we isolate we tend to feel confused and lost. 

Coping Skills. I am a firm believer that our mental health is a fairly simple equation: 

Stress - Coping Skills = Mental Health

Our mental health is directly related to the stress-coping relationship. There will always be stress. Many people who have the most stressful lives never suffer from a mental illness. I believe this is mostly due to their ability to manage stress with coping skills and resources. The more healthy coping skills you have, the better you are able to manage stress, and subsequently decrease your risk of experiencing a mental illness. The opposite applies if you have limited and unhealthy coping strategies; your chance of having a mental illness increases. 

Nutrition. I am also a believer that our diet impacts our mental health. Obesity is highly correlated with depression. Obesity is also a sign of an unhealthy coping skill: excess eating. 

Your diet in general affects your mood and mental health. Ever "splurge" on a meal that your body isn't used to? If you have, then you know that unpleasant feeling and mood you have after the meal. Research indicates people who report some level of psychological distress report eating less fruits and vegetables. Those who eat more fruits and vegetables report less mental health issues. 

Optimism. I spent years researching optimism (if you are bored, you can read my dissertation here). Optimism's impact on mental health is undeniable. Optimistic individuals have healthier, more positive attitudes, are more resilient to stress, and use healthier coping strategies. Some may say that being optimistic doesn't change the circumstance, but it impacts your mood which changes your confidence and commitment. 

I wrote about these 5 factors instead of genetics, environment, or culture because you can actively change each of the 5 factors at an individual level. It takes time and there will be ups and downs, but it can happen.


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. Thanks for your support!
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The Best Schools Have The Most Active Parents

4/13/2014

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As a child psychologist, I have worked closely with not only families, but also the schools. With these professional experiences (paired with my personal experiences), it has become abundantly clear that the best schools have the most active, engaged parents. 

I'm not suggesting that teachers, school staff, and other support staff are unimportant. They obviously are and will always be important. I'm suggesting that the best schools have parents helping in diverse and meaningful ways. There seems to be an underlying belief that the parental role is limited to making sure your child is punctual, homework is complete, and permissions slips are signed. Parents can and should do so much more. 

Yes, there are the basics: PTA meetings, parent-teacher conferences, and open houses. The basics, as in each parent should already be attending these events. Participation in these activities doesn't constitute getting "involved". Complaining without constructive suggestions and personal investment isn't getting involved. So if you have a problem and have no intention of removing your child from the school, bring a solution with your issue. 

How To Get More Involved

I know, every parent is busy. Everyone is busy to an extent. I'm not suggesting to volunteer 4 hours a week, or even 4 hours a month. Even 1 hour per month can make an impact.

Contact the school with your idea(s). Start with contacting the school with your ideas and how you can help. Again, if you have ideas, suggestions, or criticisms, be sure to include how you can be a part of the solution. In my experience, schools are always open to parents' suggestions. The deflating part is when the conversation begins and ends with the idea. 

Inquire on what the school needs. New computers, improved security, keeping the school grounds clean. Sometimes it's just being available during recess. Usually a school has a "wish-list". Ask about their aspirations and determine if you can help.

Be realistic. You don't have to develop a new academic standard or spend all week volunteering. Determine how much time you can give and plan accordingly. You'd be amazed by how many kids value even a 5-minute interaction, even if it's a chat about the weather. 

Be consistent. This is true in life, but certainly true if you are working with kids. There is always excitement at the beginning of a project, and sometimes frustration builds when you hit a road block. Stay consistent. If you say you're coming the first Monday of the month from 9:30-10:00am to help with snack time, then do it.

Put away your pride. If you are an artist and can help with the art program, then awesome. If you are a professional and the school needs someone to manage snack time, then do it. There is no shame in helping a school improve, regardless of the task. Sometimes you have to sacrifice your personal aspirations for the good of the school.

You Are Helping Your Kid, Even If They Don't See You

We depend on schools to foster academic achievement in our kids. Sometimes we mistakenly ask them to take the lead to foster emotional and social development as well. That's not their job, it's the parents job to lay the emotional and social foundation of our kids. The school provides emotional and social opportunities. 

By being more active in their school, you are teaching your kids to be engaged in the community, the spirit of volunteering, and that you are invested in their school experience. Your school involvement can boost your child's self-esteem, self-confidence, and the parent-child relationship. 

So do you want your child to attend a great school? It starts with you. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. You can also follow me on twitter here. Thanks for your support!
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Anger Management 101: How To Understand Your Anger

3/23/2014

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Everyone gets angry. I've written previously about the psychology of grudges, aggression in kids, and other topics related to anger. Anger plays a large role in daily life, and sometimes it's uncontrollable. Before we delve into how to control anger, let's briefly talk about the origins of anger. 

Before anger, there was sadness

In my clinical experience, anger is almost always a secondary emotion. The primary emotion is the feeling of sadness or hurt. For some this may seem counter intuitive or flat-out wrong, but consider depression, especially in men. One of the criteria for a diagnosis of depression can be irritability. For kids, depression can be masked by acting out in an hostile or angry manner. The image of a depressed person is usually someone sitting alone and crying. However, depression can present in an aggressive manner, such as yelling or fighting. 

In my post, The Psychology of an Extremist, I lay out the idea that before we see the rage, there is a pattern of sadness (e.g., rejection, isolation, alienation, worthlessness). The same applies to moments of uncontrollable anger. 

How to understand your anger

Get to the real source of your anger. You might be wondering why I'm talking about sadness in a post about anger. There is a reason. In order to control your anger, you first have to figure out why you are angry. If your friend is late for dinner, are you angry that your friend is late or are you hurt that your friend doesn't value your time and that is what makes you angry?

Listen to your body. I wrote a general piece about how your body is constantly sending your mind feedback about your emotional state. For anger, reflect and be thoughtful about what is happening with your body when you are feeling angry. Are you shaking, sweating? Is your heart pounding, hands balled in a fist, jaw clenched?

Get in your head. Be aware of what you are thinking. Are you having thoughts of hurting someone, yourself? Are you fantasizing about yelling or other aggressive acts? When experiencing uncontrollable anger, you are probably experiencing thoughts that are out of your character. Along the lines of depression, it's common for angry feelings to turn into self-deprecating thoughts of inadequacy and worthlessness.

How to control your anger

In the next post, I'm going to write more about strategies to utilize to manage and control your anger. Some techniques will work for you while others will not. Like anything, you have to try something to determine if it is right for you.


If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking 
here. Thanks for your support!

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8 Signs That You Are Officially An Adult

3/3/2014

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I'm pretty fortunate that I get to work with people of all age ranges, especially kids. It allows me to stay young, be silly, and get the latest updates on all things young people. I also get the opportunity to revisit my own childhood (for example, a young man was recently telling me about Scouts and the Pinewood Derby).

However, in the past couple of weeks I've had some experiences that make me feel like an adult. No, not the discovery of gray hairs (happened 10 years ago, for the record) or groaning as I stand from a sofa. It was passing on pizza at a couple of gatherings. I thought to myself that I would have never rejected pizza a few years ago, what's happening to me? Then I felt it in the pit of my stomach, I might be entering adulthood. So if you can relate to any of the symptoms below, schedule an appointment with your local life insurance provider and talk options.

1. Passing on a favorite food that you genuinely believed as a child you could have for every meal for the rest of your life. Beware, this will shatter your world.

2. You no longer consider candy a food group. Remember when you were a kid and you promised yourself that you would eat as much candy as you wanted when you are an adult? What happened to the dedication?

3. If you do eat that candy bar or pizza, you think about what it's doing to your body and how long it's going to take to burn off the calories. If you aren't thinking about it, maybe you should. (See, the adult in me is talking again.)

4. You think someone's TV or music is too loud. I remember watching TV with my dad as a kid. If he was watching something he would ask for the volume to be increased. When I switched the channel, he would ask to turn the volume down as the TV was too loud.

5. It's impossible to keep up with the newest and even outdated social media. You're happy, feeling confident about your facebook knowledge. Then a young person not only mentions a social media platform you have never heard of, but they also laugh when you ask them if people their age use facebook.

6. You use the term “young person”.

7. You look forward to going to sleep early, like 8pm early. For parents, you are more than content to fall asleep with your kids.

8. You haven't made a friend in months, maybe years. You are still meeting people, and some are very interesting. However, you are more acquaintances than friends. Subconsciously you are terrified they are going to ask you to become flexible on your 9pm bedtime.


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. You can also follow me on twitter here. Thanks for your support!

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How To Talk To Your Child About Their First Therapy Appointment

2/17/2014

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I get two basic questions when a parent sets up an appointment for their child:

1) What should I say to my child about their appointment?

2) What happens during the first appointment?

Let's go one at a time and assume that we are talking about children under the age of 12. Most kids over the age of 12 actually ask their parents if the can talk to someone. Of course there is a significant difference between a 12 year-old and 5 year-old so you adjust your conversation to an age appropriate level.

What should I say to my child about their first appointment?

This is a question I address during the phone consultation. First, tell your child about the appointment at least a day or two before the appointment. If your child is anxious and you feel that it will exacerbate their anxiety, go with what works. I've found in most instances that kids actually feel relief and curiosity when they learn that they are going to talk with someone about their emotional issues.

Especially for young children, make clear that they aren't seeing a medical doctor, they are seeing a “feelings” doctor. It's okay to be more specific, especially if your child has opened up to you about complex, confusing issues like depression and anxiety. Also make sure that your child knows that there are no shots or medications involved in this appointment, only talking. You would be surprised by how many kids assume a shot or medicine is involved when they hear “doctor appointment.”

Lastly, frame the appointment with concern and care. It's okay to say that the school or family has concerns and this appointment is to help. In many cases, the child has raised the concern and the desire to see a therapist, so it might be welcomed with open arms. You can also add that it's up to the child if they want to meet alone or would feel more comfortable with a parent in the room. The choice is theirs to make.

What happens during the first appointment?

The first appointment is an opportunity for the child psychologist to help the child feel comfortable with the idea of therapy. I usually spend the first part of the session reviewing patients' rights, my responsibilities, office rules, and other details like the length of sessions and who I am. I also try to mix in some humor or silliness to help the child feel more relaxed and playful.

How the first session progresses is up to the child. Especially in play therapy, the goal is for the child to feel like they have a safe, nonjudgmental space. Sometimes a child will want a parent or caregiver to accompany them for the entirety of the session. In other instances, a child might walk in and say “see you whenever we're done” and leave their parent(s) in the waiting room. It depends on the child and neither approach is wrong. The goal is to make sure the child feels that therapy is a safe space where they are respected and valued. That's the foundation of any healthy relationship.

Certainly there are exceptions to the rule, but this is a fairly accurate impression of how I encourage informing a child about an upcoming therapy session and how most first sessions go in my office.


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. You can also follow me on twitter here. Thanks for your support!




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It's All About The Journey: The Process of Therapy

2/3/2014

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Ten years ago my brother and I went on a cross-country road trip. Five years later, he mentioned that trip in a speech at my wedding. The memorable part for him wasn't getting to the Pacific Ocean, it was the small experiences along the way: the landmarks, hours in the car, small-town diners, and random social encounters. The journey of being together.

In much the same way, therapy is a journey. A person walks into the first appointment (intake) struggling in some life facet, seeking answers. The person has usually sought answers prior to coming to therapy whether through self-reflection, friends, family, self-help books, or the internet. Therapy, if successful, helps the person realize that personal growth is finding comfort and strength in the struggle. A dear colleague once said, “Patients are struggling in the search of answers, our job is to help them be okay with the struggle of the question.”

If someone comes to an appointment asking why bad things always happen to them, I'm probably not going to be effective if I respond with answers for their questions. After all, the question has probably been asked numerous times to friends and friends. I would be just another opinion. My impact is helping that person in becoming more comfortable with the emotional discomfort of feeling like bad things always happen. The more comfortable a person becomes, the better able they are to challenge rigid ideas and thoughts and manage their emotions and stress.

A mentor repeatedly would say to me, “Salmaan, it's about the process, not the content.” It took me years to understand the essence of this statement. The content of a relationship is the back and forth storytelling. The process of therapy is the actual sharing and connecting in the experience, allowing yourself to be vulnerable and radically honest with another person. At some level, what is being shared (content) is minor, the actual sharing (process) is significant.

Let's take a patient with anxiety to illustrate the content and process of therapy. The content is when a person talks about their anxious symptoms. It's helpful but it's distant, it's what has happened “out there” in the world. When the focus moves into the room, on how the anxiety is impacting the therapeutic relationship, this is the process. Exploring the anxiety happening right then and there, how to manage it, and how to recognize that it is manageable. It''s much easier written than done. It takes time and that's perfectly normal.

Recently, I posted and wrote about a great experiment on gratitude. This was a fantastic example of the power of process, how even the smallest moment could have a significant impact on overall life satisfaction and relationships. The content is what is shared, the process is how you shared.

I hope the difference between content and process is clear. If not, I'll try one more time. Occasionally, you may see a facebook status where one person will proclaim their love for another person. What you read is an example of the content. The process would be the person sitting down, thinking about the loved one, writing a status, and sharing it for everyone to see.

This may seem like a random topic, but I feel that it underlies not only therapy but any relationship that you wish to be meaningful. At some level, it's also to remind myself, "Salmaan, it's about the process, not the content."



As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. You can also follow me on twitter here. Thanks for your support!


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11 Things Every Dad Should Teach His Daughter

1/13/2014

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I believe each child has a unique relationship with each parent. With that uniqueness comes the responsibility of teaching your child things that only you can teach.

I certainly feel this way with my kids. There are some things that I do better and some things that my wife does better. Reflecting on my clinical work, I feel there are a few things that a daughter should know, and it's best if it came from dad.

1) Don't base your self-esteem on your physical appearance. Yes, care about your appearance but don't let your appearance define your value. Girls experience so much pressure when it comes to their image, dads need to lay the foundation that self-esteem is about who you are, not what you look like.

2) “Airbrushing” is a disservice to all girls and women. The deception of airbrushing is being exposed. It's incredibly important for dads to make sure their daughters know these pictures are unhealthy figments of imagination.

3) You are going to make a lot of mistakes in life, and that's exactly what you are supposed to do. Just like me. I routinely work with kids who think they have to be perfect, and it causes them a lot of stress. It's common for kids to think their parents are perfect. Let the cat out of the bag, dad makes mistakes too.

4) Remember those mistakes? Learn from them. A mistake can either be a problem or an opportunity. It's a problem if it continues to repeat itself, it's an opportunity if you learn from it.

5) Eat what you want, but be healthy about it. I've had girls in kindergarten tell me they are dieting. Eat what you want, but be responsible. If you want to lose weight, it's okay, it doesn't mean you're fat.

6) Choose your friends wisely. At some point a friend is going to pressure you to do something you know is wrong. Is that really a friend?

7) Your siblings may be very different from you, but you'll always be siblings. You all may have very different likes and lives, but you will always be family. Stay connected.

8) It's okay if there are some things that you don't want to talk to dad about. Some things are just uncomfortable for a daughter to talk to her dad about, same with boys and their mothers.

9) The way dad treats your mom is how men should treat you. Where do kids first learn about relationships? From their parents. If you treat their mom with love, respect, and care, they will learn that those characteristics are the foundation of a healthy relationship.

10) Be yourself. Don't change who you are for someone else. If someone likes you when you are being something that you aren't, they don't like the real you.

11) I will always love you and be your dad, always. This one needs no explanation.


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If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. Thanks for your support!




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The power of laughter: Are you laughing enough?

1/6/2014

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Some may be surprised, I'm guessing most won't be, but I regularly incorporate humor into therapy. Not in the sense of telling jokes to lighten the mood, but with the goal of opening up a person to being psychologically vulnerable and genuine.

Before speaking about the psychological aspect, there are some interesting findings from the biology of laughter. Research found that spontaneous laughter results in the release of endorphins (feel-good chemical) which decrease stress and anxiety, and increases your ability to tolerate pain. Endorphins are natural pain-killers.

There is a subtle but important difference between the ability to laugh versus the capacity to laugh. When someone says, “just laugh it off”, that's referencing the ability to laugh. The capacity to laugh is the ability to laugh at moments and experiences. It's my belief that expanding your capacity to laugh can have a positive impact on your life, it may even save it.

Expanding the capacity to laugh shifts your psychological makeup in two ways: cognitively and emotionally. Finding humor in moments that don't appear funny increases your cognitive flexibility. Cognitive flexibility is the ability to understand one thing from different perspectives, to simultaneously contemplate multiple aspects of a single thing. I'll write more about this in the future, but I hope it's fairly clear how this skill can be helpful in better yourself, friendships, marriage, and parenting.

Laughter can have a profound effect on your emotional life. Laughing simply makes you feel better. It feels good to laugh. I'm talking about something different here. Genuine laughter, at a deeper level, is a moment of radical vulnerability and openness. It's sharing your private world with someone else. Without saying anything, you're expressing that what the other person said moved you. When laughing, anxiety and stress are removed from the moment. Laughter is undoubtedly a way to connect with other people. In therapy, if I connect with someone through laughter, it tells me this person has the capacity to be flexible in thought and to be emotionally vulnerable.

Laughter can also be a humbling experience, especially if you can laugh at yourself. Maybe it's my defense mechanism, but I think too often people take themselves too seriously. Having the ability to see your shortcomings through humor is a healthy way of recognizing your imperfections. This doesn't mean you should laugh off your inadequacies, I'm merely suggesting that taking a lighthearted, less critical approach might be more helpful.  Too often I find myself saying in therapy that the mistakes patients make are mistakes made by everyone.

Now certainly there are moments and experiences that aren't funny. I'm not suggesting to find the humor in tragedy or other serious issues. However, it can be and is helpful to laugh at things that are inconsequential at the end of the day. Find the balance.


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. Thanks for your support!

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    Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN.

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