I don't know how it happened. My child is obese and refuses to eat healthy foods, what do I do? 

--  Anonymous May 2014

Childhood obesity has now reach an epidemic level in the United States. Here are the latest statistics (CDC, 2012):

Childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and quadrupled in adolescents over the last 30 years.

Approximately 20% of children and adolescents are considered obese. 

70% of obese teens and kids had at least one risk factor for cardiovascular disease.

There are many more troubling statistics but you get the point. The weight of our children is possibly the biggest childhood issue that is known today. However, obesity isn't exclusive to childhood as over 1/3 of adults are obese and 2/3 are either obese or overweight. 

Simply stated, obesity is defined as having excess body fat based on the body mass index (BMI) scale. Like most health issues, experts point to a mixture of genetic, environmental, social, and personal factors. That's true to an extent, but you can certainly have a significant impact by the daily choices you make. 

What Can I Do?

Get to the root. Really ask yourself, "How did this happen?" Weight issues don't happen overnight. Be thoughtful and honest about what factors played a part in your child's weight gain. 

Also, consider there may be an underlying issue like depression or an overactive gland. Consulting with your primary care physician may be appropriate. 

Educate your child and you. Schedule an appointment with a nutritionist. Read about healthy eating. Talk to your child about the rewards of healthy eating and the risks of unhealthy eating. Is the overeating a way to cope?

Co-create. Especially for kids, it's helpful to have a schedule or plan on paper. Work together with your child on a plan and remain firm that there will be changes, maybe even drastic changes. 

Co-creating something with your child gives them the sense that they have control and a say in their life. It makes them feel important, because they are. 

Healthy choices. Yes the ultimate goal is to lose weight. The current goal is to make healthy choices. Many people use the weigh scale to measure progress. Start with healthier choices. 

Progress sometimes can be your child trying a carrot, or 
eating a healthy portion of their favorite snack instead of the entire box. Don't confuse progress with success. 

You have obviously tried to give your child healthy options. It might be worthwhile to think outside the box or try something different. Here is a previous post about picky eaters and some tips. 

Decrease unhealthy options. Give your child choices but decrease the availability of unhealthy foods. If you have to, keep unhealthy snacks out of the house. 

In my home, our steak knives are on the kitchen counter. When our children were old enough to reach them, we explained they were sharp and not toys as knives can really hurt. After about the 3rd lecture, we realized that the easiest thing to do would be to move them to an unreachable position. 

The same goes for food, if your child can't control their portion, then do it for them. Healthy boundaries aren't just for your relationships. 

Be active. No, you don't need a personal trainer. Go for a walk after dinner, make it a family outing. If they aren't the athletic type, find non-athletic but active activities. 

Drink water. I have emphasized drinking water in other posts. It is healthy and necessary to drink water. Water is an appetite suppressant and increases your metabolism. 

If your child doesn't like water, then compromise by adding some fruit or flavor the water. It's healthier than drinking soda or fruit juices. 

Slow down. When your child is eating, slow them down. The faster your child eats, the more they will eat before they realize they are full. 

Slow your child's eating by cutting their food into smaller bites, encouraging water between bites, and giving them parts of their portion every few minutes instead of all of it at once. Make a game of eating and see who can chew one bite the most. 

Have conversations that your kids enjoy. Kids are more likely to eat more slowly if they are talking about Spiderman or Frozen than homework.  

Be realistic. Set real goals for your child and yourself. Almost everyone thinks in the terms of losing X weight in Y days. A realistic goal for the first week or month may actually be to keep the weight steady. A goal for the day may be to try one new food or to wait 15 minutes when hungry instead of eating right away. 

Be your child's cheerleader. Praise your child for even the smallest success. One of the toughest challenges to losing weight is feeling hopeless and not seeing progress. Praising your child instills hope and helps your child realize that progress is happening, even if a goal hasn't been met. 


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Let's skip over the moral debate, just bypass that altogether. In fact, let's work from the perspective that pornography is just like any other activity or hobby. 

Pornography's accessibility is incredibly easy. Statistics show that the average age of exposure is 11, and the largest and fastest growing consumer of internet pornography are kids aged 12-17. That's alarming, especially considering this is the developmental period when kids learn about and experience relationships. 

There is a natural process of learning about romance: the innocence of sliding a note to someone, asking a friend to ask for you, actually saying "i like you." Pornography bypasses this maturation process and pushes people into a completely different world. Kids and even young adults aren't psychologically and neurologically mature, so pornographic content becomes a part of their maturation and personal belief system. 

A relationship is an emotional connection with another; pornography is a lonely attempt to satisfy your needs.
There is a must-watch TEDxGlasgow talk about how the brain is affected by pornography, I really recommend it. In that video, the presenter speaks about dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in the reward system. The reward system is linked to the prefrontal cortex, a brain area that develops well into a person's late 20s. Internet pornography gives you perceived satisfaction with the click of a button, something that is impossible in real life.

Imagine the idea that you could feel satisfied with one click of a button, you believed that satisfaction and happiness were that easy. That's an unrealistic goal and unrealistic goals can lead to relationship issues, personal disappointments, and psychological disorders.

In working with couples where one or both are addicted to porn, there are usually expressions of marital emptiness and dissatisfaction. Over 50% of divorces involve one or both persons having an obsessive interest in pornography. Pornography was sought to fill a void or provide novelty. In reality, it isolates and distances people. Part of the work is understanding the personal void and helping couples reconnect in a healthy, meaningful way. 

Individuals with an addiction to pornography talk about a chase of making a fleeting moment of satisfaction more permanent. It warps your mind and belief system much in the same way that Hollywood movies do. The work here involves increasing awareness that this is an unhealthy chase that can't be won, and permanent satisfaction is based in actual relationships, not internet content. 

Most assume that pornography addiction is almost exclusively a problem for boys and men. That's simply not the case as about 1/3 of the visitors to pornographic websites are women. So it's a problem that's faced by both boys and girls and men and women.

Pornography and other addictions can literally change the neural circuitry of your brain. It can alter your emotions and belief system. However, it's never too late to better and work on yourself. 


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Let's skip the conversation about our mental health being a mixture of biological, cultural, individual and environmental factors. People are a mixture of all those factors. Let's focus on the factors that can be addressed and even improved. 

Stress. Stress has a negative connotation almost exclusively (e.g., "I'm stressed out!"). Stress can actually be a good thing, when it's at a moderate level. Studies have shown that stress not only affects your physical health, but also your mental health. Chronic stress has been linked to depression, anxiety, and other psychological issues. 

Relationships. It's rare to find a psychologically healthy and well-rounded individual who lives in social isolation. People are naturally social and connecting with others is healthy. Relationships provide support and safety. When we feel safe, we tend to feel happier. When we isolate we tend to feel confused and lost. 

Coping Skills. I am a firm believer that our mental health is a fairly simple equation: 

Stress - Coping Skills = Mental Health

Our mental health is directly related to the stress-coping relationship. There will always be stress. Many people who have the most stressful lives never suffer from a mental illness. I believe this is mostly due to their ability to manage stress with coping skills and resources. The more healthy coping skills you have, the better you are able to manage stress, and subsequently decrease your risk of experiencing a mental illness. The opposite applies if you have limited and unhealthy coping strategies; your chance of having a mental illness increases. 

Nutrition. I am also a believer that our diet impacts our mental health. Obesity is highly correlated with depression. Obesity is also a sign of an unhealthy coping skill: excess eating. 

Your diet in general affects your mood and mental health. Ever "splurge" on a meal that your body isn't used to? If you have, then you know that unpleasant feeling and mood you have after the meal. Research indicates people who report some level of psychological distress report eating less fruits and vegetables. Those who eat more fruits and vegetables report less mental health issues. 

Optimism. I spent years researching optimism (if you are bored, you can read my dissertation here). Optimism's impact on mental health is undeniable. Optimistic individuals have healthier, more positive attitudes, are more resilient to stress, and use healthier coping strategies. Some may say that being optimistic doesn't change the circumstance, but it impacts your mood which changes your confidence and commitment. 

I wrote about these 5 factors instead of genetics, environment, or culture because you can actively change each of the 5 factors at an individual level. It takes time and there will be ups and downs, but it can happen.


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If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. Thanks for your support!