The Family Center of Knoxville
The Family Center of Knoxville
  • Home
  • Psychological Services
  • Bio
  • Therapy Expectations
  • Contact and Directions
  • Psychology Blog
  • Forms
  • Resources

Praise, praise, praise...

2/25/2013

0 Comments

 
Both praising and criticizing are equally important in relationships, but unequally utilized.  More often than not, we are focused on the criticizing aspect, especially as parents.  The rationale is that certain rules need to be set, held, and maintained.  Boundaries are reinforced by teaching what not to do and stating what rules should be followed.  It's human nature to curb negative behavior; it should also be natural to reinforce positive behavior. 

I would estimate that 99% of the couples that come for an appointment talk about what is wrong with their relationship. Topics include harmful behaviors to the relationship, why the other person change, and how each is frustrated and exhausted with the other. They are taken aback when I ask how they met, and to express what they like about each other. This technique can transform anger into genuine care and love in the blink of an eye. No special trick here, just asking each person to talk about the positives of the other can provide a nice moment and valuable insight into the relationship.  

What's the point of shifting from a negative to a positive experience?  There are numerous reasons, but the most important is that your ability to communicate and connect with others is greatly increased if you are in a good place, emotionally and psychologically.  You will be more relaxed, less defensive, and more open to having a meaningful, intimate conversation. 

Talking about the positive aspects of someone or a relationship doesn't heal emotional wounds, but it can certainly help. Much in the same way that praising someone helps to balance out criticism. Whether you are in a one-year or fifty-year relationship, a friendship, or a romantic relationship, it always feels good when someone compliments you.  

That is why it is always important to remember to praise the other.  Even if it is something the other person has done for years (e.g. walking the dog, making meals, taking care of the bills, etc.), it is nice to be appreciated. A simple thank you or acknowledgement does just that; it appreciates the other person, it shows that you are aware that the other person is giving effort, and it's a pleasant moment. With enough praise and appreciation, a moment of criticism, even hurtful criticism (everyone has done it), can have minimal impact. 

So remember to be vocal about the good as much as the bad.  When critical, keep it constructive.  When praising, keep it within reason.  Too much of anything is too much. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN.

    Archives

    November 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    Answer
    Child Psychologist
    Clinical Commentary
    Clinical Psychologist
    Depression
    General
    Kids
    Knoxville
    Love
    Marriage
    Parenting
    Premarital Counseling
    Question
    Relationships
    Salmaan Toor
    Teens
    Therapy
    World

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.