The Family Center of Knoxville
The Family Center of Knoxville
  • Home
  • Psychological Services
  • Bio
  • Therapy Expectations
  • Contact and Directions
  • Psychology Blog
  • Forms
  • Resources

Is love enough?

3/27/2013

3 Comments

 
I'm continuing to write about relationships for a couple of reasons: 1) this topic has been the most requested by readers, and 2) I am contributing to a public forum this coming weekend focusing on advice for a healthy and happy marriage. My hope is writing this will help you as well as help me get my thoughts in order. 

Is love enough? Unfortunately, we know the statistics. Divorce rates vary, but most have the rate in the low 40% range. Not quite the 50% that everyone talks about, but still an alarmingly high rate. So it seems like love alone is not enough, at least 40% of the time. Sorry, don't shoot the messenger.

Love may not be enough on its own, but it's a good start. When you are considering a serious commitment like marriage, you want to be thoughtful and honest about your relationship. The questions that are usually pondered are: Do I love this person? Can I see myself with this person for the rest of my life? Am I getting married for the right reasons?

How do you answer these questions? What's the right answer? Is there a right answer? Whether it's mutual love, similar interests, or "chemistry", you have to dig deeper into your relationship for the answers. This is my advice. If you ever find yourself thinking that things will get better after marriage, take a step back, a big step back.

How do you dig deeper? One option is premarital counseling. Studies show that premarital counseling reduces the risk of divorce by 30%. The goal of premarital counseling is not to find flaws in one another and point out what issues are going to be a problem. Instead, premarital counseling provides an opportunity to have a meaningful dialogue about what works in your relationship, what areas you can improve on, and what to be aware of if you choose to move forward together.

For many couples, premarital counseling is a welcomed relief. There may be life issues that have been avoided such as children, religion, family dynamics, living situation, and finances. At a deeper level, issues like communication style, stress management techniques, and personality characteristics can be openly explored and better understood by each partner. Conflict will happen, but the resolution can be easier if you truly know your partner. Part of knowing your partner is having open conversations about similarities-differences, strengths-weaknesses, and tendencies-aversions.

One potential issue for couples is misinterpreting your partner. That is, misinterpreting your partner's intentions. If your partner walks away from a conversation to think or gather their thoughts, you might misconstrue the walking away as not caring about the conversation (or relationship). If you are confused by a statement, action, or response then ask for clarification. Many potential blow-ups are avoided by simply stating, "I'm a little confused, can you say more about what you just said."

Communication style can be another major obstacle for couples. Some people like to talk immediately about a problem, while others like to have time to gather their thoughts and then come back to the issue. Generally speaking, men typically want to fix the problem, whereas women want to "talk it out." Counseling can help a couple achieve balance between these approaches or at least help the couple communicate more effectively.

Premarital counseling provides an opportunity to practice how to communicate with one another about serious issues. Confronting conflict may feel scary, but it can actually build confidence in yourself, your partner, and your relationship. The more you practice, the less anxiety, stress, and fear you will experience in the future when a difficult topic arises. You and your partner will be more aware of each other's communication styles, stress management skills, and nonverbal cues (e.g., eye-rolling, head-scratching, etc.)

Take a moment and try this exercise. Reflect on how you felt reading this post, maybe read it again. Which emotions and thoughts did you experience? Now imagine what it would be like to read this with your partner sitting beside you. Would there be tension, discomfort, fear? If the idea of reading this with your partner makes you anxious or brings to consciousness a serious but ignored issue in your relationship, then maybe this post will help open dialogue between the two of you.

I've talked exclusively about premarital counseling, but these same concepts apply to any relationship. It's never too late to improve yourself or your relationship.


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 





3 Comments
Matt Rudge
9/7/2024 04:56:38 am

I found this blog and decided to share my experience.

My wife and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from her and a few weeks later I found out that my wife is seeing someone else. She started coming home late from work, she hardly cares about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes she goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail, I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr. Odunga can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and He can also cure diseases like HIV, AIDS, Herpes Virus, Cancer, E.T.C.. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and I did it and he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my wife came to me and apologized for the wrongs she did and promised never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. My family and I are living together happily again. All thanks to Dr. Odunga. If you have any problem contact him and I guarantee you that he will help you. He will not disappoint you.
Email him at : [email protected] or contact him via Whats App +2348167159012.

Reply
Michael Raymond
11/13/2024 05:29:12 am

I want to share my experience about how I got My Wife Back. After three years of a broken marriage, My Wife left me with our two kids. We were constantly quarreling and struggling, which ultimately led to a serious breakup. My wife packed her things and moved away. Despite this, I was determined to reunite with her. But I was told by a reliable source, a very close co-worker, that Dr Kachi is a very dedicated, gifted and talented person, Then I met Dr. Kachi, a remarkable spell caster, who assured me that my wife would return within 24 hours after he prepared a love spell. I’m thrilled to say that Dr. Kachi kept his word! My Wife came back home, fell to her knees, and begged for my forgiveness. Today, our family is back together, and we are happy, healthy, and living together again. Dr. Kachi made my dreams come true by helping us reunite. If you need his assistance, divorce issues in your relationship you can contact him Text or Call at +1 (209) 893-8075, or visit his website at https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site Email him at [email protected]

Reply
treatment facility for troubled youth link
3/24/2025 04:13:38 am

Treatment Facility for Troubled Youth focuses on helping young individuals facing challenges such as behavioral disorders, trauma, substance abuse, and emotional difficulties.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN.

    Archives

    November 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    Answer
    Child Psychologist
    Clinical Commentary
    Clinical Psychologist
    Depression
    General
    Kids
    Knoxville
    Love
    Marriage
    Parenting
    Premarital Counseling
    Question
    Relationships
    Salmaan Toor
    Teens
    Therapy
    World

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.