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Isaac Newton the psychologist? The physics of relationships: Part II

7/23/2013

2 Comments

 
In last week’s Part I post, I presented a parallel between Newton’s first law of physics and interpersonal relationships: the idea that each social interaction has an impact on our emotional state, and how the emotional impact is a product of the person and the content/delivery of the message. If you missed last week’s post, you can read it HERE.  

In this week’s post, let’s focus on what happens after the emotional impact. That is, what you are thinking and feeling after an emotional experience. The emotional aftermath is usually lost on what happened to cause the aftermath. So think about what happens to you after your parent/boss expresses disappointment in your performance, or when your spouse/family member praises you, or when your favorite TV show is cancelled?

There is no right or wrong answer to any or all of these questions. They may seem rhetorical but it’s worth asking yourself, “How do I feel?” after a situation. It doesn’t have to be a traumatic or highly emotional experience, it can be any experience. Sometimes I encourage patients to emotionally “check-in” with themselves at random times during the day. Why do this?

Good question, well for a few reasons:

1)  You will actually learn about your emotional world. 
     What impacts you, how, and for how long.

2)  Recognizing and identifying your emotions will help in 
    understanding and empathizing with others’ emotions. 
    It’s difficult to empathize or even emotionally connect 
    with others if your own emotional world is unclear.

3)  Introspective questions (e.g., How do I feel?)                    increase self-awareness and help you gain personal          insight. This comes in very handy, especially in              relationships.

4)  Sometimes asking yourself a simple question like     
     “How do I feel?” or “What just happened?” can slow 
     things enough to calm yourself and keep your 
     composure in a stressful situation. Think of how 
     many times you've reacted in a situation and then 
     reflected and wished you had a moment to think 
     before doing or saying what you did.

Gaining insight and awareness into how experiences influence your emotions will allow you to better prepare for similar situations that arise in the future. For example, if you get defensive or flustered during stressful situations, you can practice relaxation techniques when you are entering a stressful period of your life. Increasing self-awareness will allow for you to manage your feelings in a healthy, pro-social manner. So if you are aware that you are feeling defensive or flustered, then you could utilize a strategy that helps you return to a more relaxed, calm state.

How an experience affects you is as important as the experience itself. Everyone is busy, but I encourage you to take time during the day and reflect on the high, low, and average experiences of your day. Tap in to your emotional world; you’ll be glad you did.

As usual, feel free to share via facebook, twitter, etc.

2 Comments
Shaheen Toor
7/23/2013 09:58:52 am

Insightful comment regarding asking oneself 'How I feel'? following a situation. We often neglect to do that. In our personal learning process of dealing with relationships, internalizing and processing such an approach can help tremendously in better preparing oneself, in dealing with similar future situations and our reactions to them.

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TFCKnoxville link
8/6/2013 10:56:17 pm

Alot of times we are just happy the situation is over or we are dealing with the aftermath. The "How do I feel?" can add a dimension to the experience, and increase insight.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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    Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN.

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