The Family Center of Knoxville
The Family Center of Knoxville
  • Home
  • Psychological Services
  • Bio
  • Therapy Expectations
  • Contact and Directions
  • Psychology Blog
  • Forms
  • Resources

Parents and teens: Sex, drugs, and...body odor?

4/10/2013

5 Comments

 
I’m hoping you are thinking, “What do sex, drugs, and body odor have to do with one another?” (I’m also assuming some of you could answer that question with ease). For me, all three are inevitable parts of being a teenager. All three are topics that parents have to address with their kids. Too often I work with families where the major problem is a lack of communication between parent(s) and teens, especially regarding personal issues like sex and puberty.

I'm not going to write specifically about sex, drugs, or body odor. My hope is that you realize there are a number of topics that have to be discussed with teens. Two main reasons these topics are not discussed are avoidance and procrastination. Avoiding the discussion happens because it's uncomfortable or there is a belief that your teenager will bring the topic up for conversation when they are ready. It's rare for a teen to proactively talk about these topics, so don't expect it. Procrastination, for the most part, is due to parents having a hard time acknowledging that their kids are growing up faster than desired. It could also have something to do with not knowing what to say to your teen or how to say it.

Whether it's avoidance or procrastination, either result in a reactive conversation instead of a proactive one. Reactive conversations are the norm for most families, and involve addressing a topic or issue after the fact. Common examples include telling your child not to hit after they have hit someone, or telling your teen to call when they are going to be late after you've nervously waited at the door for your teen because it's 30 minutes past curfew. A proactive conversation is getting ahead of the curve, having a talk before something has occurred. This is where the puberty, sex, and drug talks are important. I'm not saying parents should be clairvoyant and anticipate events before they occur, but there are inevitable events that will happen as your child grows into a teen and beyond. Try to anticipate these events by preparing yourself and your teen.

When I mention talking to kids about sex or drugs, sometimes parents are worried that by having the talk too early, their kids will get "ideas in their head" and become curious when they weren't before. I have two things to say about this. First, If you feel it’s too early, then it’s probably too late. It’s a very different world than even 5 years ago. For all the good that technology has brought,  it has made all kinds of information easily accessible. Kids are learning and hearing about "adult" things at an earlier age. Whether we like it or not, that’s reality. Second and more importantly (for me), I have never talked or worked with a teen who said they experimented with drugs, alcohol or sex because their parents talked to them and they became curious. It just doesn't happen that way. So kindly excuse that rationale from your head.

If you have a teenager in your home, these talks are already past due. Again, this doesn't mean you have to go into all the details. You should have a good sense of where your child is in their understanding of these topics, so proceed accordingly. However you choose to talk to your teen, be respectful and open. If your child is more naive than same-aged peers, then simplify the talk. If your child has shown interest or asked complex questions, then go for a more in depth conversation.

Still not convinced that you should be the primary resource of information for your teen? Well then think of it this way: If you aren't talking to your child about sex or drugs (or body odor, for that matter), then they are probably learning about these things from their peers or the internet. Which would you prefer? 

For teens that may be reading this, I'm sorry to put you in a potentially uncomfortable situation, I really am. I do it because I care about all of you. For parents, it would be great to always be the "cool" parent and your kids' best friend, but in many instances the parental duty is more important. Sometimes you have to be the "lame" parent that talks to your kids about potentially awkward issues. You can be the cool parent when your kids are in their 20s and they ask if they can move back into the house.
5 Comments
Rebecca
4/22/2013 12:12:01 pm

It looks like this post is one of your least popular in terms of tweets and likes. Of course that means nothing. We parents of teenagers have to keep our heads down; they're so wild and reckless yet so hypersensitive. For parents, it's like that Mae West paradox, slightly updated. "Teens. Can't live with 'em. Can't live without 'em." Thanks for your thoughtful words.

Reply
tfcknoxville
11/23/2014 06:11:33 am

I just saw this comment. Sorry for the delay. Parenting is a fine line and unfortunately it seems like that line is only in focus after you've moved past it.

Thanks for your comment.

Reply
Matt Rudge
9/7/2024 04:56:30 am

I found this blog and decided to share my experience.

My wife and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from her and a few weeks later I found out that my wife is seeing someone else. She started coming home late from work, she hardly cares about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes she goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail, I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr. Odunga can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and He can also cure diseases like HIV, AIDS, Herpes Virus, Cancer, E.T.C.. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and told him my problems and he told me what to do and I did it and he did a spell for me. 28 hours later, my wife came to me and apologized for the wrongs she did and promised never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. My family and I are living together happily again. All thanks to Dr. Odunga. If you have any problem contact him and I guarantee you that he will help you. He will not disappoint you.
Email him at : [email protected] or contact him via Whats App +2348167159012.

Reply
Michael Raymond
11/13/2024 05:29:40 am

I want to share my experience about how I got My Wife Back. After three years of a broken marriage, My Wife left me with our two kids. We were constantly quarreling and struggling, which ultimately led to a serious breakup. My wife packed her things and moved away. Despite this, I was determined to reunite with her. But I was told by a reliable source, a very close co-worker, that Dr Kachi is a very dedicated, gifted and talented person, Then I met Dr. Kachi, a remarkable spell caster, who assured me that my wife would return within 24 hours after he prepared a love spell. I’m thrilled to say that Dr. Kachi kept his word! My Wife came back home, fell to her knees, and begged for my forgiveness. Today, our family is back together, and we are happy, healthy, and living together again. Dr. Kachi made my dreams come true by helping us reunite. If you need his assistance, divorce issues in your relationship you can contact him Text or Call at +1 (209) 893-8075, or visit his website at https://drkachispellcaster.wixsite.com/my-site Email him at [email protected]

Reply
counseling for teen depression los angeles link
3/24/2025 04:14:11 am

Counseling for Teen Depression in Los Angeles offers specialized therapeutic services to help adolescents struggling with depression, anxiety, and emotional distress.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN.

    Archives

    November 2016
    February 2016
    December 2015
    September 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    Answer
    Child Psychologist
    Clinical Commentary
    Clinical Psychologist
    Depression
    General
    Kids
    Knoxville
    Love
    Marriage
    Parenting
    Premarital Counseling
    Question
    Relationships
    Salmaan Toor
    Teens
    Therapy
    World

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.