A family member was recently diagnosed with a mental illness. I want to help but I don't know what to do. What can I do for this person?

-- Anonymous August 2014

It's almost a certainty that every person will find themselves asking this question as approximately 1 in 4 people will experience a mental illness during their lifetime. For a comparison, do you know anyone that is left handed? Approximately 10% of the population is a lefty. So you're 2.5 times more likely to know someone with a mental illness than a lefty. 

Mental illness is a condition like no other. An individual's mental illness is unique. Universally effective interventions don't exist in the way that a medical doctor might treat a broken bone. Here are 10 tips for what to do if a family member has a mental illness:

Accept the Illness. Accept that the person has a mental illness. Understand that the symptoms you see are rooted in the mental illness, not the person. 

Educate yourself. What's the first thing someone does when they are diagnosed with a medical condition? Immediate Google search. Do the same with depression, anxiety, or the diagnosed condition. Research not only the health condition but also ways to intervene in positive and healthy ways. 

Attend health professional appointments with your family member. Ask questions at appointments about symptoms, warning signs, and coping strategies. 

Combine your Google education with your family experience. I tell patients and families that they are the expert on themselves and their family. With your newly found education from researching the illness, see how that education fits with your family. Not all individuals have the same family dynamic and symptom presentation.

Respect. Treat each member of the family with respect. A mental illness does not make anyone less valuable or worthy. Although this previous post is about addiction, many of the tips can be generally applied in how to communicate in a respectful and empathic way. 

Keep your family intact. Yes, a mental illness calls for an increase in attention, time, and energy for that individual, but don't lose focus on the other members of the family. Continue family activities to the extent that you can.

Be realistic. One of the first questions I hear is, "How long does this last and when is it cured?" There isn't an easy answer. Have a major goal in mind but break the big goal down into smaller goals. In developing these goals, include all appropriate members of the family, including the person with the mental illness. 

Stay connected. It's not uncommon for families to experience shame, confusion, and embarrassment. Part of your education is accepting that one person isn't to blame, and it's vital to stay connected to others. Continue relationships with friends and other families. Reach out to support groups through organizations like NAMI.

Be a clear and consistent presence. It can be difficult but be a consistent and healthy support for your family member. Find that healthy balance and stay away from contributing to unhealthy behavior. Sometimes your love can enable unhealthy behaviors and decisions. When you find that line, have a discussion with your family member about how you see your role in their life and the possible limitations of your role. 

Stay healthy. Make sure that you continue to make healthy decisions for yourself. Be aware that you aren't significantly sacrificing your mental health in trying to fix a loved one. You can only help when you are at your best, or at least in a mentally strong state. Whatever activities help you manage stress, continue them. 

I often recommend family members to participate in their own therapy as it can be incredibly stressful when dealing with another family member's mental illness.

Remain hopeful, realistic, but hopeful. Hope doesn't fix a mental illness, but it provides an atmosphere to remain motivated to overcome a mental illness. Hope doesn't have to be the notion that this mental illness will be gone by the end of the week, it can be that we are going to have a good day. 

As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 

We've known for decades that our diet impacts on our physical health. But what about our psychological health? Can diet impact mood, depression, anxiety, other psychological disorders?

Diet and mental health research has largely focused on physical and medical health and their subsequent impact on mental health. Study findings have revealed important relationships in how physical and medical issues impact mental health acutely and chronically. We also know that mental health can affect treatment outcome for medical illnesses, reinforcing the belief of a link between the physical and psychological.

Research investigating the food-mental health relationship is at a nascent stage which is exciting and suggests caution in preliminary findings. Most laboratory research has focused on rats, but studies with human participants comparing diets and mental health across nations and cultures do exist. These studies are finding that people who have diets with less processed foods and more nutrient-dense foods (vegetables, seafood, nuts, fruits, beans) have a lower risk of mental health issues. 

Then there are anecdotal observations from clinical work, including my own. Two of the most common observations patients share with me are taking a daily omega-3 supplement and removing gluten (pasta, baked goods) from their diet had significant positive affects on their mood and a decrease in their depressive symptoms. Again consider this anecdotal evidence with caution and do your own research. 

Certain foods affect, for better or worse, your cognitive capabilities of memory and concentration. Memory and concentration are both influenced by depression and anxiety. Foods can also affect the production of neurotransmitters (acetylcholine, norepinephrine, 
dopamine, serotonin). These neurotransmitters greatly influence the expression of psychological disorders. So is it that much of a jump to hypothesize that foods with certain nutrients and acids could either mitigate or exacerbate anxiety and depression? It's a question being asked by scientists across the globe. 

For 99.99% of human existence, society was exclusively a hunter-gatherer system. It was completely natural to seek out fatty, rich foods because there was no certainty about where and when the next meal would come. Now food is easily accessible for most of us. Our bodies weren't built or programmed for easy food access, and now we're seeing the fallout of that with skyrocketing rates of heart disease, obesity, and other medical conditions. People can't evolve fast enough so they are breaking down physically, physiologically, and mentally. 

Be aware of what you eat. Ask yourself how you are feeling after you eat a certain food? How is your energy level, mood? Are you able to concentrate? You might be surprised by what you find. 


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Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 

This analysis will not focus on the usual variables that are debated ad nauseam by foreign policy “experts” on all news channels. The explanation provided here will be rooted in psychology with an emphasis on relationships and motivation. I'll be arguing that the role of psychology has been lacking in foreign policy equations, and until considered, American foreign policy will continue to falter, especially in the Middle East.

Relationships

Every relationship has complexities and a uniqueness. When working with someone in therapy, I conduct a clinical interview over numerous sessions gathering information including present, cultural, family, and historical issues. Some ask if this is necessary. It is, because the interview provides a complete picture of the person. Therapy can then be tailored to the individual's specific needs. Additionally, this helps me connect with the person which is integral to the therapy work.

The same should apply in relating to another country. If I were to clinically interview Iraq, a few issues would arise for consideration when it comes time to relate and intervene. For Iraq, you have to look at the people's psychology. The consensus is most Americans regret the 2003 Iraq invasion. The Iraqis generally feel negatively about American intervention, dating back decades.

From the Iraqi mindset, American foreign policy has been troubling. A lack of trust exists which is never good for cooperation. If American foreign policy continues as it has for decades, Iraqis won't buy in and any progress will be at a superficial level. Even if the policy can be successful, it will be met with resentment and hostility due to history. Much like in therapy, if I persist with the same intervention that hasn't been effective with a patient, it's unproductive and potentially harmful. 

Motivation

Motivation does not receive enough attention in the foreign policy world. The two types of motivation, are intrinsic and extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation is a desire to do something because it is personally important or appealing to you. Extrinsic motivation is the opposite; the drive for something is due to external factors such as praise, punishment, or money. Studying psychology because you have a natural interest in the subject is an example of intrinsic motivation. Studying so you can get an A on an exam is an example of extrinsic motivation. 

When you are intrinsically motivated, you tend to feel more satisfied, engaged, valued, and open to improvement (Wigfield, Guthrie, Tonks, & Perencevich, 2004). Americans are largely dissatisfied with their work which results in the loss of hundreds of billions of dollars to the economy each year (Gallup, 2013). It appears most people are extrinsically motivated to work. People work for money so that they can live. Employers are constantly looking for ways to intrinsically motivate their employees to increase productivity, efficiency, pride, and longevity. In therapy, one of the many techniques used is to cultivate extrinsic motivation to help patients to move forward, with the ultimate goal being to foster an intrinsic motivation for real change.

What does any of this have to do with Iraq? In many ways, a country is like a company and the citizens are employees. The citizens of the most successful, happiest countries in the world scored high on civic engagement, sense of community, and overall life satisfaction. All of these variables are associated with personal goals and intrinsic motivation. These traits are lacking in Iraq at a national level. For decades, the fate of Iraq has been in the hands of dictators or foreign nations, leaving Iraq without an identity. Instead of building a national identity and sense of togetherness, the country has been unstable and most citizens are focused on personal safety and survival.  

What does this mean for foreign policy?

Leaders of many countries repeatedly champion that all actions that are taken will be in the nation's best interest. When other countries hear this type of rhetoric, what are they to think? These type of statements can only weaken the relationship between two countries, especially if one country openly speaks about self-interests. Imagine two people being in a relationship and one person constantly does things because it is in their self-interest to do so. Does that sound like a healthy relationship?

Foreign policy needs to focus on mutual best interests, not just one nation's. This may sound like a weak stance but in reality it's an empathic, courageous approach. It's also the opposite of the policy that has been failing for decades. The goal of foreign policy should include identity formation, national building from within, and instilling a sense of pride and optimism at a personal level. 

Intrinsic motivation needs to be a part of any intervention. If Iraqis don't feel a personal and natural investment in their country, they won't fight for their country because it doesn't feel like their country. How do you nurture intrinsic motivation? Allow Iraqis to have a major role in the decisions and direction of the country. That doesn't mean step back and watch passively, it means allow the Iraqis to take the driver's seat. In therapy, real characterological change doesn't happen if the therapist is providing solutions and giving advice. Fundamental change occurs when the individual recognizes and works for increased awareness and self-improvement. As this therapy process unfolds, the therapist metaphorically transitions from the passenger seat, to the back seat, and eventually into an image in the rear view mirror.

Experts like to talk about historical events as examples to support current policies and interventions. A quick review of Iraq's history shows external interventions and values are ineffective in the long term. Even in America's history, the Civil War was a turning point because it was an organic, intrinsic conflict. Outside forces did not play an active role. Would America be the success that it is today if France or Spain facilitated the Civil War? Americans were responsible for the Civil War and that's why it had a profound impact on the direction of the country. Just like every patient, every nation is different. Foreign policy has to be tailored to each country's needs and goals. 

The same model has to be considered for Iraq. Ask the Iraqis what they want to increase their intrinsic motivation and investment in their country. Considering their goals and aspirations. If Iraqis want to isolate and manage the country on their own, so be it. If they want international intervention limited to assistance from bordering countries, so be it. If they want an Islamic state, so be it. With each decision there are positive and negative consequences. That is part of nation building and identity formation. It's important to recognize that Iraq is a country that is less than 100 years old. It takes time but Iraqis have to engage in their future, and that happens by giving them the keys to the car.

Just like therapy and self-improvement, it takes time and experience. Look where America was 100 years after it's founding. Some might say America in the 1870s was similar to Iraq in the 2000s in many ways. It may be messy and even tragic, but if Iraq is going to be self-sustaining and prosperous, foreign policy has to start with the Iraqi people. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support!

A negativistic style of thinking usually doesn't happen overnight. However, once your default setting is to think negatively, it feels automatic and almost natural to think the worst. 

Things get complicated when depression enters the equation. Depression exacerbates negative thinking, and the result is a self-sustaining cycle of negative feelings sharpening negative thoughts which intensifies the depression. I mention depression because those who struggle with negative thinking tend to exhibit symptoms of clinical depression. Something to consider if you haven't already. 

It's important to know that negative thoughts are completely normal. No one is perfect and it's healthy to reflect on personal weaknesses and areas of improvement. What is not normal is to allow these thoughts to control your life and relationships. 

10 Tips For Overcoming Negative Thoughts

Stop extreme thinking. Life isn't black or white. There is gray and context to everything. Be aware if you use words like "always" or "never" and if you make generalized statements about "everyone" and "everything."

Reality test. If you are unaware of your negativity, then how can you change? Easy. Try a reality check with friends, family, or someone that you trust. Sometimes negative thoughts can be corrected with a conversation. 

You aren't a mind reader, stop assuming. In sessions, I find myself regularly saying, "So what did you say in reply?" I get a quizzical glance and usually a, "Well, they didn't actually say that, but I'm sure they were thinking that." So did the person actually say it, or are you projecting what you believe they are thinking?

Value the positive. Don't dismiss or explain away the positive. If you have overwhelming negative thoughts, you are probably focusing too much on negative things and ignoring the positives in your life. Take a moment and value your positive experiences. 

Fully accept compliments. If someone gives you a compliment, stop for a moment, let the feeling sink in, and say "thank you." Sounds weird? If yes, then that's a sign you need to practice accepting compliments. 

Express gratitude. Not in your mind. On paper and then out loud and to the person. Sounds weird? See the last tip. You might be surprised how expressing gratitude actually makes you feel better. There is a great Upworthy.com video about gratitude. You can read and see more about that in a previous post. 

Set realistic goals. Accomplished goals make you feel good. Be realistic. Don't set the bar too low, but be realistic. Try to change one thing daily, weekly, or monthly. Be specific and clear in your goal-setting. 

Practice mindfulness, Mindfulness is the process of being aware of the present. When negative thoughts enter your consciousness, you are no longer in the present. You are on a cognitive tangent. Your attention is no longer on what is happening in the present, it's on beating yourself up. Mindfulness can be very effective in stopping negative thinking and helping you focus on the here and now. 

Do positive things. Volunteer, practice good manners, serve as a mentor. Again, be reasonable as you don't want to set yourself up to wonder why people aren't reciprocating your positive acts. Keep it simple. 
 
Recognize that change is a process. This idea is forgotten by many very quickly. If you expect a quick fix, it's just not going to happen. Accept that real change takes time, but it will be worth it. Value the progress that you are making. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support!

I don't know how it happened. My child is obese and refuses to eat healthy foods, what do I do? 

--  Anonymous May 2014

Childhood obesity has now reach an epidemic level in the United States. Here are the latest statistics (CDC, 2012):

Childhood obesity has more than doubled in children and quadrupled in adolescents over the last 30 years.

Approximately 20% of children and adolescents are considered obese. 

70% of obese teens and kids had at least one risk factor for cardiovascular disease.

There are many more troubling statistics but you get the point. The weight of our children is possibly the biggest childhood issue that is known today. However, obesity isn't exclusive to childhood as over 1/3 of adults are obese and 2/3 are either obese or overweight. 

Simply stated, obesity is defined as having excess body fat based on the body mass index (BMI) scale. Like most health issues, experts point to a mixture of genetic, environmental, social, and personal factors. That's true to an extent, but you can certainly have a significant impact by the daily choices you make. 

What Can I Do?

Get to the root. Really ask yourself, "How did this happen?" Weight issues don't happen overnight. Be thoughtful and honest about what factors played a part in your child's weight gain. 

Also, consider there may be an underlying issue like depression or an overactive gland. Consulting with your primary care physician may be appropriate. 

Educate your child and you. Schedule an appointment with a nutritionist. Read about healthy eating. Talk to your child about the rewards of healthy eating and the risks of unhealthy eating. Is the overeating a way to cope?

Co-create. Especially for kids, it's helpful to have a schedule or plan on paper. Work together with your child on a plan and remain firm that there will be changes, maybe even drastic changes. 

Co-creating something with your child gives them the sense that they have control and a say in their life. It makes them feel important, because they are. 

Healthy choices. Yes the ultimate goal is to lose weight. The current goal is to make healthy choices. Many people use the weigh scale to measure progress. Start with healthier choices. 

Progress sometimes can be your child trying a carrot, or 
eating a healthy portion of their favorite snack instead of the entire box. Don't confuse progress with success. 

You have obviously tried to give your child healthy options. It might be worthwhile to think outside the box or try something different. Here is a previous post about picky eaters and some tips. 

Decrease unhealthy options. Give your child choices but decrease the availability of unhealthy foods. If you have to, keep unhealthy snacks out of the house. 

In my home, our steak knives are on the kitchen counter. When our children were old enough to reach them, we explained they were sharp and not toys as knives can really hurt. After about the 3rd lecture, we realized that the easiest thing to do would be to move them to an unreachable position. 

The same goes for food, if your child can't control their portion, then do it for them. Healthy boundaries aren't just for your relationships. 

Be active. No, you don't need a personal trainer. Go for a walk after dinner, make it a family outing. If they aren't the athletic type, find non-athletic but active activities. 

Drink water. I have emphasized drinking water in other posts. It is healthy and necessary to drink water. Water is an appetite suppressant and increases your metabolism. 

If your child doesn't like water, then compromise by adding some fruit or flavor the water. It's healthier than drinking soda or fruit juices. 

Slow down. When your child is eating, slow them down. The faster your child eats, the more they will eat before they realize they are full. 

Slow your child's eating by cutting their food into smaller bites, encouraging water between bites, and giving them parts of their portion every few minutes instead of all of it at once. Make a game of eating and see who can chew one bite the most. 

Have conversations that your kids enjoy. Kids are more likely to eat more slowly if they are talking about Spiderman or Frozen than homework.  

Be realistic. Set real goals for your child and yourself. Almost everyone thinks in the terms of losing X weight in Y days. A realistic goal for the first week or month may actually be to keep the weight steady. A goal for the day may be to try one new food or to wait 15 minutes when hungry instead of eating right away. 

Be your child's cheerleader. Praise your child for even the smallest success. One of the toughest challenges to losing weight is feeling hopeless and not seeing progress. Praising your child instills hope and helps your child realize that progress is happening, even if a goal hasn't been met. 


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Let's skip over the moral debate, just bypass that altogether. In fact, let's work from the perspective that pornography is just like any other activity or hobby. 

Pornography's accessibility is incredibly easy. Statistics show that the average age of exposure is 11, and the largest and fastest growing consumer of internet pornography are kids aged 12-17. That's alarming, especially considering this is the developmental period when kids learn about and experience relationships. 

There is a natural process of learning about romance: the innocence of sliding a note to someone, asking a friend to ask for you, actually saying "i like you." Pornography bypasses this maturation process and pushes people into a completely different world. Kids and even young adults aren't psychologically and neurologically mature, so pornographic content becomes a part of their maturation and personal belief system. 

A relationship is an emotional connection with another; pornography is a lonely attempt to satisfy your needs.
There is a must-watch TEDxGlasgow talk about how the brain is affected by pornography, I really recommend it. In that video, the presenter speaks about dopamine, a neurotransmitter involved in the reward system. The reward system is linked to the prefrontal cortex, a brain area that develops well into a person's late 20s. Internet pornography gives you perceived satisfaction with the click of a button, something that is impossible in real life.

Imagine the idea that you could feel satisfied with one click of a button, you believed that satisfaction and happiness were that easy. That's an unrealistic goal and unrealistic goals can lead to relationship issues, personal disappointments, and psychological disorders.

In working with couples where one or both are addicted to porn, there are usually expressions of marital emptiness and dissatisfaction. Over 50% of divorces involve one or both persons having an obsessive interest in pornography. Pornography was sought to fill a void or provide novelty. In reality, it isolates and distances people. Part of the work is understanding the personal void and helping couples reconnect in a healthy, meaningful way. 

Individuals with an addiction to pornography talk about a chase of making a fleeting moment of satisfaction more permanent. It warps your mind and belief system much in the same way that Hollywood movies do. The work here involves increasing awareness that this is an unhealthy chase that can't be won, and permanent satisfaction is based in actual relationships, not internet content. 

Most assume that pornography addiction is almost exclusively a problem for boys and men. That's simply not the case as about 1/3 of the visitors to pornographic websites are women. So it's a problem that's faced by both boys and girls and men and women.

Pornography and other addictions can literally change the neural circuitry of your brain. It can alter your emotions and belief system. However, it's never too late to better and work on yourself. 


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Let's skip the conversation about our mental health being a mixture of biological, cultural, individual and environmental factors. People are a mixture of all those factors. Let's focus on the factors that can be addressed and even improved. 

Stress. Stress has a negative connotation almost exclusively (e.g., "I'm stressed out!"). Stress can actually be a good thing, when it's at a moderate level. Studies have shown that stress not only affects your physical health, but also your mental health. Chronic stress has been linked to depression, anxiety, and other psychological issues. 

Relationships. It's rare to find a psychologically healthy and well-rounded individual who lives in social isolation. People are naturally social and connecting with others is healthy. Relationships provide support and safety. When we feel safe, we tend to feel happier. When we isolate we tend to feel confused and lost. 

Coping Skills. I am a firm believer that our mental health is a fairly simple equation: 

Stress - Coping Skills = Mental Health

Our mental health is directly related to the stress-coping relationship. There will always be stress. Many people who have the most stressful lives never suffer from a mental illness. I believe this is mostly due to their ability to manage stress with coping skills and resources. The more healthy coping skills you have, the better you are able to manage stress, and subsequently decrease your risk of experiencing a mental illness. The opposite applies if you have limited and unhealthy coping strategies; your chance of having a mental illness increases. 

Nutrition. I am also a believer that our diet impacts our mental health. Obesity is highly correlated with depression. Obesity is also a sign of an unhealthy coping skill: excess eating. 

Your diet in general affects your mood and mental health. Ever "splurge" on a meal that your body isn't used to? If you have, then you know that unpleasant feeling and mood you have after the meal. Research indicates people who report some level of psychological distress report eating less fruits and vegetables. Those who eat more fruits and vegetables report less mental health issues. 

Optimism. I spent years researching optimism (if you are bored, you can read my dissertation here). Optimism's impact on mental health is undeniable. Optimistic individuals have healthier, more positive attitudes, are more resilient to stress, and use healthier coping strategies. Some may say that being optimistic doesn't change the circumstance, but it impacts your mood which changes your confidence and commitment. 

I wrote about these 5 factors instead of genetics, environment, or culture because you can actively change each of the 5 factors at an individual level. It takes time and there will be ups and downs, but it can happen.


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It's a topic that many don't want to talk about but it's a problem here and across the globe. I keep not wanting to write about this, but time and time again I am reminded that it is needed. About 10% of children are sexually abused (National Center for Victims of Crime). That number breaks down to approximately 20% of girls and 5% of boys. Approximately 60% of victims are abused by someone in their social circle.

What Do I Do? 

Remain calm. Yes, it is easier said than done, but it's very important to try to remain calm because it helps your child remain calm.

Find a safe place to talk. Children are usually confused, scared, and anxious. Provide a comfortable environment. 

Listen to your child. Your child may have difficulty putting their experience into words. That's okay, just listen.

Seek medical attention. Seek medical attention if appropriate. Sometimes there can be internal injuries that aren't visible. Ask if their body hurts and where. 

Stay connected. Your child needs you the day they talk and the days and weeks following. Observe your child and look for signs that they are having difficulty coping. Children who have been abused often isolate themselves, are vigilant, use inappropriate sexual language, are easily upset, and can experience separation anxiety. 

Praise your child. Praise them for their bravery to speak up. Praise them for their honesty. 

Seek outside support. If you feel it is necessary, seek outside support to help your child cope. 

What Not To Do

Do not confront the alleged perpetrator with the victim. Almost everyone experiences the thought of confronting the perpetrator. Do not do that with the victim. 

Do not ignore what happened. Don't sweep it under the rug. Don't "protect the family" or the "reputation" of the alleged perpetrator. 

When you ignore what happened (even if you have doubts), then you are condoning the actions of the perpetrator and disbelieving the victim. I've had many people share that they feel this way, and that can cause irreparable psychological damage.

Do not blame your child, directly or indirectly. Many kids feel like they made a mistake, or did something bad. Make sure your child knows that they aren't to blame and that the other person needs help. 

Child abuse (any type) is a challenging and heartbreaking situation. However, research shows the most important thing you can do for a child is provide a loving and supportive environment. If your child knows you are on their side and you believe and love them, that can be all the child needs to recover and even thrive. 


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Parents have described this scenario as their "worst nightmare." They aren't specifically referring to their child's mental illness. They are speaking to the helplessness they feel, to take their child's pain away. 

In my 10 years of working with families, parents are getting better. They are acknowledging their child's mental health issue and actively taking steps to meet the challenge head on. Before we get to the suggestions, let's review a few signs of childhood mental illness.

Warning Signs of Childhood Mental Illness

Mood change. A shift in your child's mood that has lasted more than a few weeks and causes problems in relationships at home and school. 

Behavior shift. Sudden changes in behavior, including dangerous and aggressive behavior, that causes problems in relationships at school or home. 

Academic problems. Your child's academic performance has dropped sharply in the last year or even months.

Sleep. Your child sleeps significantly more or less than usual or has difficulty falling asleep. 

Isolation. You don't hear about friends anymore. Your child spends most of the day in the bedroom and is no longer interested in hobbies or activities. 

Substance abuse. Yes, drug and alcohol use is far too common. No, that doesn't make it okay or healthy. You may think it's just "teens being teens" but it might be more than that. 

Tips To Consider If You Suspect Your Child May Have A Mental Illness

Consult your pediatrician. Not all pediatricians are well-versed in mental health issues but they can rule out medical issues. Sometimes a medical condition can present or lead to mental health issues. 

Seek out professional psychological help. Usually your pediatrician can help with a referral. Google is also your friend. Search your local area for child psychologists and other mental health professionals. 

Be patient. It's hard seeing your child struggle, and not having the answers. With that said, be patient. Find the right professional(s) for your child and your family. 

Stay engaged. Sometimes it's easier to distance yourself from the issue. Stay committed and active. Participate in appointments and discussions. You know your child better than any doctor. I always encourage parents to share their thoughts and questions. It's invaluable.

Don't blame your child. Maybe this should be the first tip, because it's probably the most important. Be supportive. Your child is already feeling a number of emotions, no need to add guilt and shame. 

Keep the communication lines open. Make sure your child knows they can talk about their feelings. Sometimes kids can feel ashamed and confused. It's important to try to keep communicating, even if only to listen. 

It's a process. Mental health is messy. There isn't a clear cut cure for anxiety or depression. Each person is different and with that comes a unique treatment plan. Recognize that treatment is a process. 

Find support for you. It's stressful and scary. It's also common to feel isolated and alone. Lean on family, clergy, friends, and even other families who are going through the same experience. You might be surprised (pleasantly in an odd way) by the support groups and helpful programs that are located close to you.


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