Is it okay that my child at times verbally punishes his stuffed animals?
--Anonymous November 2014
This is the type of behavior I see in play therapy. Play therapy allows for access into a child's mind through their play. Kids usually don't sit in a chair and tell you how they feel about themselves, their family, or the world. This is where a child's play can be informative. A child's play is usually a projection of what they are thinking and feeling.
So in this instance of punishing a stuffed animal, I would look for a few things. Is the punishment justified, did the animal do something to be punished? If he is dishing out punishments for no reason, that's one thing, but if the toy animal did something worthy of reprimand, then that can be a healthy thing. He's coming full circle in the latter case. He was playing with the stuffed animal, it did something wrong, and he's implementing a punishment to curb the behavior. Most parents would agree that is a logical and appropriate form of parenting.
But what if it's the former, a punishment without cause? There might be a few explanations for this behavior. He might be angry, it could be part of the game, or it could be how he perceives his reality. If he's frustrated, then being aggressive in pretend play is a normal and natural way of managing frustration. As a kid, especially under the age of 5, you have minimal control or power in your life. He is directing the play, and is the punisher instead of the punished. Both give him a sense of power and control in a healthy way. It's age-appropriate.
The second option is punishment is part of his play. If so, this is a teaching and learning opportunity. If there is no apparent reason for the punishment, you can engage and co-construct what's happening. If he says the animal is in trouble because he says so, you can suggest that maybe the animal should not be in trouble since the animal did nothing wrong. You could also say the animal apologized so it should be forgiven. The play can also turn into an empathy exercise by asking, “How would you feel if you were in trouble when you did nothing wrong?”
Lastly, a child's play is symbolic of reality. So if in his play, he goes through each step (bad behavior → punishment → acceptance and apology → punishment over), then your child has a basic understanding of rules and relationships. If the animal is punished for no apparent reason, then it might be a sign that he doesn't understand why he is punished in reality. A good method to assess his understanding is to ask what he did that was wrong, why is he being punished, and what he can do differently next time. Sometimes what is obvious to a parent is confusing to a child.
You can also gauge your child's knowledge by asking similar questions as you watch a cartoon, read a story, or see another child who is doing something positive or negative. These situations are great ways of speaking indirectly to your child, rather than putting your child on the spot. It's always rewarding when your child is well-behaved; but poor behavior, even a meltdown, is an opportunity to learn and improve.
As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!
If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. Thanks for your support!
--Anonymous November 2014
This is the type of behavior I see in play therapy. Play therapy allows for access into a child's mind through their play. Kids usually don't sit in a chair and tell you how they feel about themselves, their family, or the world. This is where a child's play can be informative. A child's play is usually a projection of what they are thinking and feeling.
So in this instance of punishing a stuffed animal, I would look for a few things. Is the punishment justified, did the animal do something to be punished? If he is dishing out punishments for no reason, that's one thing, but if the toy animal did something worthy of reprimand, then that can be a healthy thing. He's coming full circle in the latter case. He was playing with the stuffed animal, it did something wrong, and he's implementing a punishment to curb the behavior. Most parents would agree that is a logical and appropriate form of parenting.
But what if it's the former, a punishment without cause? There might be a few explanations for this behavior. He might be angry, it could be part of the game, or it could be how he perceives his reality. If he's frustrated, then being aggressive in pretend play is a normal and natural way of managing frustration. As a kid, especially under the age of 5, you have minimal control or power in your life. He is directing the play, and is the punisher instead of the punished. Both give him a sense of power and control in a healthy way. It's age-appropriate.
The second option is punishment is part of his play. If so, this is a teaching and learning opportunity. If there is no apparent reason for the punishment, you can engage and co-construct what's happening. If he says the animal is in trouble because he says so, you can suggest that maybe the animal should not be in trouble since the animal did nothing wrong. You could also say the animal apologized so it should be forgiven. The play can also turn into an empathy exercise by asking, “How would you feel if you were in trouble when you did nothing wrong?”
Lastly, a child's play is symbolic of reality. So if in his play, he goes through each step (bad behavior → punishment → acceptance and apology → punishment over), then your child has a basic understanding of rules and relationships. If the animal is punished for no apparent reason, then it might be a sign that he doesn't understand why he is punished in reality. A good method to assess his understanding is to ask what he did that was wrong, why is he being punished, and what he can do differently next time. Sometimes what is obvious to a parent is confusing to a child.
You can also gauge your child's knowledge by asking similar questions as you watch a cartoon, read a story, or see another child who is doing something positive or negative. These situations are great ways of speaking indirectly to your child, rather than putting your child on the spot. It's always rewarding when your child is well-behaved; but poor behavior, even a meltdown, is an opportunity to learn and improve.
As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!
If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville facebook group by clicking here. Thanks for your support!
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