A major part of therapy is increasing your awareness, not just of your surroundings and other people, but also of yourself. Self-awareness is a process centered on gaining insight into how your thoughts and feelings impact you, others, and relationships. In this post I want to take a tangible turn and focus on listening to your body, literally.

The idea of becoming more aware of your physical experience and signals is grounded in the mindfulness process. I’ll write more about that at a later time but if you are interested, just do a quick search of mindfulness.

It’s my belief that the majority of mental health issues come down to a combination of feeling depressed, anxious, or both and struggling with how to cope with these feelings. This is a gross simplification, but in the end most conditions have an anxious or depressed underpinning. I often ask patients how you know you are depressed, anxious, or both. How do you know? Most describe an event (or many) that explains a change in their emotions and behaviors. This is an appropriate response, but it usually doesn't include a description of how their body is reacting during times of duress.

About those body signals. I start with fairly easy, straightforward questions. How do you know you are hungry or thirsty? How do you know you are hot? The answers are obvious: stomach growls, throat is dry, you sweat or feel warm. The same rationale applies to depression and anxiety or any emotion for that matter. Your body almost always tells you when you are happy, sad, angry, etc.

Even when feeling depressed your body sends you signals. Common symptoms include but are not limited to lack of energy, somatic complaints (aches and pains), decreased appetite, and tears from eyes (also known as crying). As for cognitive issues, symptoms include poor concentration, negativistic thinking, and memory problems.

For anxiety, common cognitive symptoms include but are not limited to excessive worrying, difficulty concentrating, and attention issues. Physical symptoms include sweating, tremors and shakes, chest pain, fatigue, and nausea.

Increase your body awareness when in an emotional state. Specifically, ask yourself what is physically happening when you are happy, sad, etc. Making connections between bodily cues and emotions will lead to an improved quality of life. For example, if you know you have trouble paying attention when anxious, by identifying the anxiety you can then intervene with relaxation techniques before the anxiety impacts your thinking. If you have unhealthy conversations when feeling hurt, recognizing your emotions will assist you in coping with your hurt feelings until you are in a psychological state where you can have a healthy conversation.

A good exercise is to reflect on the lowest and highest moments of your day (or any memorable experience), how you felt, and what if anything was happening with your body. As you do this more often, you will become efficient in identifying the body-emotion connections. Soon you’ll be able to recognize how you feel during that emotional experience instead of afterwards. I’ll write much more about how to become more mindful of your body and experience in the coming weeks.

As usual, feel free to share via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

In a relationship, how do you tell your partner hard things they don't want
to hear? 

-- Anonymous August 2013

So this question not only comes up in most therapy experiences, but also on a daily basis for most people. If someone is complaining or expressing frustration about a relationship, there is probably a conversation that hasn't been had, that needs to be had.

Relationships are work. Relationships are fun when things are going well. Maybe that’s why it’s difficult to have a conversation that may lead to a disagreement, argument, or even a breakup. At some level, there is fear and anxiety about what might happen if avoided issues are brought to attention. When a relationship seems to be going well, it takes a lot of courage to discuss an issue that may lead to conflict.

So how do you have a difficult conversation with a loved one? Here are a few things to consider.

Imagine your partner’s emotional reaction. Recognize why you feel the conversation will be difficult. Try to imagine how your partner might react. If you think they will respond with anger and defensiveness, then try to start the conversation by saying you are not trying to cause hurt or anger (or any negative emotion). If your partner expresses hurt or anger, then apologize and repeat that your intent is not to hurt but to better a situation.

Emphasize care and concern. Clarify that you are bringing this issue to attention because you care about the other person, and how certain actions impact your partner and you. Reiterate that you are initiating this conversation out of care and love, and that the conversation is needed for change; change that would benefit your partner and the relationship.

Find a moment of empathy. Recognize how you feel. Then find an experience where your partner felt the same way. Make a connection between the two. Let’s say you are frustrated by your partner’s pattern of starting but not finishing a task. With that, let’s say your kids have a tendency to not put their toys away after playing and it’s very frustrating for your partner. Then you could say, “You know how you feel when the kids leave a mess of toys, that’s how I feel when you start something and then don’t finish it.” Connecting an emotion with your message increases the impact of your message.

Context and comfort. Understand your partner. If your partner prefers to talk privately, then have a private conversation. If they are more comfortable knowing ahead of time that a serious conversation is needed, then give them a heads up. Providing a familiar environment is a great way to give your partner a sense of control and to show that you are attune to their feelings.

I usually do not recommend this, but if they are more comfortable communicating via email, then try initiating the conversation via email. Again, I don’t recommend having an email conversation instead of a face-to-face conversation, but for some it’s an easier, more comfortable way to express thoughts and absorb information. You have a better chance of a productive conversation if both people are in a relaxed mindset.

Praise. Lastly, appreciate your partner for being open to a difficult conversation. Even if an issue isn't resolved, praising your partner's effort of being attentive and listening to your feelings will make future conversations smoother and hopefully productive. A simple “thanks for listening” can go a long way.

Although scary, these are the type of conversations that can strengthen your relationship. Openness about one’s feelings in a relationship sets clear and healthy boundaries for you and your partner. You can read more about boundaries here.

As usual, feel free to share via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

First of all, it’s not common for patients to add me on facebook. However, it happens enough that I feel a need to comment on it. There is nothing special about me, and it’s actually natural and sensible to add someone that you are associated with, even if it is only for correspondence.

With that said, I can’t be your facebook friend for primarily one reason: it’s a boundary issue. Some might be thinking, “Calm down, it’s only facebook, it’s not a big deal.” This isn’t about being a clinical psychologist and not sharing personal things with the patient. This isn’t about me wanting to keep patients from seeing that I’m a passionate Tennessee alum (go Vols!). It’s about you, and why you are seeking out therapy. Let me say more.

The vast majority of patients seek my services because there have been boundary issues in their lives, past and present. What’s a boundary issue? It can be many things: from being in an abusive relationship to always doing whatever your partner/friends want to do on a night out. It can be parents treating you like a child when you are in your 30s and beyond. It can be your boss putting inappropriate work demands on you. Lastly, it can be boundaries within you; whether it’s poor eating habits or making the same unhealthy life decisions time and time again. Poor boundaries lead to mental health issues like depression and anxiety.

Therapy is your space to improve yourself. One of the ways to work on yourself is to have an appropriate, healthy relationship with your therapist. This type of relationship is defined by mutual respect and honesty. A hallmark of respect and honesty is to have potentially uncomfortable conversations and still know the other cares and wants what’s best for you.

So yes, it’s uncomfortable to sit with someone and say that we can’t be facebook friends. The degree of discomfort increases when you follow the facebook conversation with the continuation of your session. However, by openly talking about the friend invitation, you learn how to have a difficult conversation and still maintain a strong connection with the person. These conversations strengthen the relationship. You will realize a relationship isn't defined by agreeing all the time.  A healthy relationship is defined by how you connect with one another, not necessarily what connects you.

This all applies to your relationships outside of the therapy room. That uncomfortable conversation actually gives you confidence and strength going into other relationships. If you can have an uncomfortable conversation with your therapist (and survive), then maybe you can have that conversation that you've been meaning to have in other relationships (and survive). Feeling comfortable with uncomfortable conversations will help you define and maintain boundaries in your relationships. Those boundaries are ways of taking care of your needs. In any relationship it’s important to find balance between the needs of each individual.

I can see myself having friendships with the vast majority of my patients. At times, the session has a friendly feel. I am fortunate to have the opportunity to work with unique individuals. Part of my responsibility is taking care of the needs of my patients, even if it means a friendship is confined to moments in my office.

As usual, feel free to share via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed! 

In last week’s Part I post, I presented a parallel between Newton’s first law of physics and interpersonal relationships: the idea that each social interaction has an impact on our emotional state, and how the emotional impact is a product of the person and the content/delivery of the message. If you missed last week’s post, you can read it HERE.  

In this week’s post, let’s focus on what happens after the emotional impact. That is, what you are thinking and feeling after an emotional experience. The emotional aftermath is usually lost on what happened to cause the aftermath. So think about what happens to you after your parent/boss expresses disappointment in your performance, or when your spouse/family member praises you, or when your favorite TV show is cancelled?

There is no right or wrong answer to any or all of these questions. They may seem rhetorical but it’s worth asking yourself, “How do I feel?” after a situation. It doesn’t have to be a traumatic or highly emotional experience, it can be any experience. Sometimes I encourage patients to emotionally “check-in” with themselves at random times during the day. Why do this?

Good question, well for a few reasons:

1)  You will actually learn about your emotional world. 
     What impacts you, how, and for how long.

2)  Recognizing and identifying your emotions will help in 
    understanding and empathizing with others’ emotions. 
    It’s difficult to empathize or even emotionally connect 
    with others if your own emotional world is unclear.

3)  Introspective questions (e.g., How do I feel?)                    increase self-awareness and help you gain personal          insight. This comes in very handy, especially in              relationships.

4)  Sometimes asking yourself a simple question like     
     “How do I feel?” or “What just happened?” can slow 
     things enough to calm yourself and keep your 
     composure in a stressful situation. Think of how 
     many times you've reacted in a situation and then 
     reflected and wished you had a moment to think 
     before doing or saying what you did.

Gaining insight and awareness into how experiences influence your emotions will allow you to better prepare for similar situations that arise in the future. For example, if you get defensive or flustered during stressful situations, you can practice relaxation techniques when you are entering a stressful period of your life. Increasing self-awareness will allow for you to manage your feelings in a healthy, pro-social manner. So if you are aware that you are feeling defensive or flustered, then you could utilize a strategy that helps you return to a more relaxed, calm state.

How an experience affects you is as important as the experience itself. Everyone is busy, but I encourage you to take time during the day and reflect on the high, low, and average experiences of your day. Tap in to your emotional world; you’ll be glad you did.

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Isaac Newton’s first law states an object is at rest or moves at a constant velocity unless acted upon by a force. The images that come to mind are probably two objects that act toward or upon one another: a baseball and a bat, two cars colliding, swirling your drink with a straw. Here, I’ll lay out how several aspects of the law of motion also apply to interpersonal relationships. 

A relationship is fluid. It evolves, shifts, and changes based on the interactions of the individuals. Relationships can vacillate from strong and sound to weak and tenuous as a result of the actions of one or both individuals. Newton theorized outside factors can impact the relationship between two objects; the same applies to relationships between people.

Thinking about the bat hitting the ball, there are two factors regarding the impact (Force): specifically the size of the bat (mass) and the speed at which the bat is swung (acceleration). Hopefully the F = ma equation came to mind (thanks, Dad). Now applying that equation to a relationship, think of the F as the emotional impact, the m as the person, and the a as the content and delivery of a feeling. The Emotional Impact is the product of a Person and the Feeling Delivered by that person. Emotions are certainly much more complicated than these two variables, but for now let’s keep it simple. I’ll discuss other factors in future posts.

For an illustration of m (the person), think about how you would feel if a loved one praised you compared to someone you had just met. More than likely, the praise from the loved one will have a larger emotional impact. How strongly you feel something is linked to who is delivering the message. In many instances, two different people give the same advice, but you might listen to one and dismiss the other. Why is that? Reflect on that question. Parents are driven batty by teens who ignore a parental suggestion and then respond “Great idea!”, when a friend makes the same suggestion.

As for the delivery and content of the message, a, the analogy I always use is your birthday and receiving a present. If someone presents a nicely wrapped gift with a “happy birthday!”, your experience is going to be different than someone giving you the same gift wrapped in a plastic bag with a “here”. The difference is clear, but it’s not always clear in relationships. In therapy, especially couples and family therapy, a constant theme is how to gift wrap feelings, both negative and positive. Just because the feeling is anger, sadness, or frustration doesn't mean it has to be expressed in a hurtful way.

Newton’s first law of motion focuses on being acted upon; the second part is how the object is affected by the act. I’ll touch on the second part here, and say more in next week’s post.

In relationships, this second stage is largely ignored in everyday life and consequently is a significant part of therapy. How do you respond after an emotionally-charged experience? People are more focused on what happened than on what happened after. Part of a relationship is increasing your emotional awareness. 

A complexity arises as an experience in one relationship can impact (positively or negatively) how you perceive and engage in other relationships. This is very evident in couples and family therapy where you have multiple individuals acting upon one another. I’ll write more about this later, but for now think about the solar system and what would happen if one planet suddenly shifted.

This is what makes relationships fluid and why laws and principles can’t completely capture relationships like it can with the sciences and math. Maybe it was serendipity, but Newton was on to something in regards to interpersonal relationships. Ironically, some psychologists argue that Newton would have been diagnosed with Asperger’s disorder in present day.

As usual, feel free to share. Part II, next week!

If someone steps into my office, it's because there is a problem, usually a serious one. I'm still waiting for the day that someone walks in and says, "I'm doing great in all areas of my life and wanted to share that with you." Not sure what I would do. So instead of only focusing solely on how to solve particular problems, I also want to highlight the positive in everyday life. 

So why do relationships succeed? If you read my post on relationship failure (if not, you can here), then the concepts in this post should be somewhat familiar. Again, the major themes are communication, trust, and empathy. 

Before addressing the relationship themes, it may be worthwhile to stop and think about what success means to you in the context of a relationship. A successful relationship must have genuine communication, unconditional trust, and mutual empathy.

Communication. What is healthy communication? Most of you will say being open, honest, and sincere with your partner. All of that is true. Healthy communication involves each person being heard and respected. Being heard is more than someone looking at you when you are talking. It is the active participation of the other in attending to you. It includes both communicative (i.e., verbal acknowledgement, response) and non-communicative gestures (eye-contact, body language). 

The more attentive you are to the other person, the more genuine the connection. So put down the smart phone and make eye contact (don't worry, your facebook page will still be there). If the other person does not have your undivided attention, then the other will be less invested in the conversation. For that moment, the other person will be less invested in you. How do you feel if you are talking to someone and they are multi-tasking? People in successful relationships emphasize the importance of genuine communication between partners. 

Trusting your partner and the relationship. Trust is following through on what you say you are going to do. This includes major commitments (i.e., honesty, faithfulness, integrity) as well as the smaller details (i.e., daily responsibilities, punctuality, etc). It may seem silly to have your relationship impacted by forgetting to do the dishes. However, I've had many couple sessions where people express that the lack of commitment to the small things becomes a big issue over time. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes. You can either acknowledge your limitations and work to improve or make excuses. One builds the relationship, the other hurts it.

Trust is knowing that something is important to your partner without your partner having to tell you repeatedly. I’m not saying you should be a mind-reader. However, you should be attuned to what matters to your partner. By being proactive or even active, your partner will notice that you are trying to meet their needs. This goes a long way in the process of building trust. 

Trust is strengthened by being honest with each other. Being honest does not mean you are an open diary all of the time; it can include saying, “I’d rather not talk about it now, maybe later?” This type of statement sends two messages: "I’m not in a good place right now, but I do want to talk about it with you at some point." At a deeper, relational level, this statement also says, "I can be vulnerable with you and I trust that you won't use my vulnerability against me." This is a subtle but very powerful component of a relationship (I'll write more about that in a future post titled "It's about the process"). When you feel weak and need support, a good partner will be there for you. These moments strengthen the relationship and builds trust.

Empathy. The concept of empathy is known by many, but the application can be a challenge. Empathy is the awareness of another person's feelings. The common metaphor is "put yourself in the other person's shoes." Training yourself to be empathic is a great skill to have for any relationship. A question to ask yourself is "How might the other person be feeling right now?" It's that simple. Empathizing with your partner does not mean you are wrong, or they are right. It means you are trying to understand and connect with your partner's emotional world and actions. Empathy involves setting aside your feelings (no, not dismissing them) for a moment and connecting with your partner's feelings. This may not solve the issue, but it can strengthen your relationship. 

Reflect on your current relationship and even past relationships. What went wrong? What went right? What can I change? I imagine that the answers to these questions will involve one, two, or all three of the relational themes. 

Healthy relationships are a combination of minimizing the unhealthy and maximizing the healthy. It's not an either-or scenario: you can't just avoid the negative or just emphasize the positive. If you want to be a physically healthy person, you have to minimize junk foods AND have a healthy diet. A relationship is work, but I can't help but reflect on something my dad says to me (all the time, I mean, all. the. time.): If something brings you happiness and success, is it really work?


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 

Glass half-full or half-empty?  Based on your response, your worldview could tend to be more optimistic or pessimistic.  We are all familiar with the expression.  So I chose to mention it for a couple of reasons: 1) it's familiar 2) I'd like to use a similar analogy to explain depression.

There are a number of theories that explain depression from a genetic cause to environmental factors to an imbalance in specific neurotransmitters.  There are a number of ways to conceptualize and work with depression.  I will describe one approach here, the glass of water approach.  I was first introduced to this approach by my supervisor during internship, a very skilled therapist.  Before I go further, I have to emphasize that depression is complex, not every depressed person fits into what I describe below.  Each person is unique.

Think of yourself as a glass of water, neither half-full nor half-empty.  Now let's take a moment and focus on the actual water in the glass.  The water is the accumulation of single drops of water.  Think of each drop of water as a life experience.  It doesn't have to be a major experience, it could be any experience.  Anything from your first day of school to what you had for lunch. Both positive and negative experiences, they all accumulate in the glass.  As you have more experiences, the water level rises, drop by drop. 

For someone struggling with depression, the water in their glass has more drops of negative experiences than positive ones, or the impact of the negative experiences is greater than the impact of the positive.  Sometimes that is actually the case and sometimes that is the perception.  Part of therapy is determining whether the individual's perception is accurate or distorted.  Let's assume accuracy, the depressed individual has more negative experiences than positive.  So what can be done?

My approach is not to sugarcoat what has happened. Bad things happen in life, there is no getting around that. It's a part of life.  For depressed individuals, It is often suggested to focus on the positive or to look at how the negative might be a positive.  Sometimes this approach is effective, many times it is not.  The glass of water approach acknowledges the negative experiences and focuses on how "drops" of positive experience can be added to the water in glass.  The belief is that your experiences are real, they have shaped who you are. The negative experiences were painful.  Let's focus on figuring out how positive experiences can be added to your glass.  

A new positive experience does not replace a negative experience, but it may neutralize the impact of the negative experience.  The more drops of positive experience into the glass of water, the less likely that the negative experience will have a profound, lasting impact. 

For example, if you have a bad morning followed by a bad afternoon, you'll probably be in a bad mood that night. However, if you have a bad morning followed by a pleasant afternoon, you will probably be in a better mood than the previous example.

What is a positive experience?  Simply, an experience that brings you happiness or joy.  A potential hurdle, especially with depressed individuals, is they can truly feel there is no positive or pleasurable aspect of life.  It's a huge challenge to even think about something positive.  
A positive experience may be a non-negative experience. In that case, simply providing support and care may be the main focus of therapy, with occasional analysis of the depressive episode.  One strategy is to explore what brought you pleasure before the depression arose (e.g., spending time with family and friends, alone time, exercising, music, reading, being outside, etc.). Talking about these experiences can ease the depression and bring about hope and some level of optimism.    

So if you are struggling with depression, ask yourself what brings you joy, what eases the pain.  If you are able to come up with a list or ideas, follow through with them.  

This has been a simple description to a complex issue.  For the sake of brevity, I kept this short.  I hope no one was offended or thought that overcoming depression is always easy.  That certainly was not my intent.


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 
 

Both praising and criticizing are equally important in relationships, but unequally utilized.  More often than not, we are focused on the criticizing aspect, especially as parents.  The rationale is that certain rules need to be set, held, and maintained.  Boundaries are reinforced by teaching what not to do and stating what rules should be followed.  It's human nature to curb negative behavior; it should also be natural to reinforce positive behavior. 

I would estimate that 99% of the couples that come for an appointment talk about what is wrong with their relationship. Topics include harmful behaviors to the relationship, why the other person change, and how each is frustrated and exhausted with the other. They are taken aback when I ask how they met, and to express what they like about each other. This technique can transform anger into genuine care and love in the blink of an eye. No special trick here, just asking each person to talk about the positives of the other can provide a nice moment and valuable insight into the relationship.  

What's the point of shifting from a negative to a positive experience?  There are numerous reasons, but the most important is that your ability to communicate and connect with others is greatly increased if you are in a good place, emotionally and psychologically.  You will be more relaxed, less defensive, and more open to having a meaningful, intimate conversation. 

Talking about the positive aspects of someone or a relationship doesn't heal emotional wounds, but it can certainly help. Much in the same way that praising someone helps to balance out criticism. Whether you are in a one-year or fifty-year relationship, a friendship, or a romantic relationship, it always feels good when someone compliments you.  

That is why it is always important to remember to praise the other.  Even if it is something the other person has done for years (e.g. walking the dog, making meals, taking care of the bills, etc.), it is nice to be appreciated. A simple thank you or acknowledgement does just that; it appreciates the other person, it shows that you are aware that the other person is giving effort, and it's a pleasant moment. With enough praise and appreciation, a moment of criticism, even hurtful criticism (everyone has done it), can have minimal impact. 

So remember to be vocal about the good as much as the bad.  When critical, keep it constructive.  When praising, keep it within reason.  Too much of anything is too much. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support! 

Everyone has been hurt by someone.  It's healthy to feel sad, angry, and confused among a number of emotions.  You question what happened, how it happened, and why it happened.  Sometimes you don't reflect, and want to punish the other person.  You want the other person to feel as badly as you do.  Punishing the other person feels good or at least takes away some of the pain. 

I don't judge anyone for how they feel.  However, at some point you have to ask yourself, "Is holding on to this anger and resentment healthy for me?"  The most common occurrence is in relationships where your trust has been violated by someone (e.g. lying, deception, infidelity, breakup, etc.).  I'm not suggesting to allow someone to hurt you and then forgive them unconditionally; I'm suggesting to consider your feelings about you, instead of focusing on your feelings about the other.  It's much harder, but it will be worth it. 

Sometimes it feels better to blame the other person, remind them of their faults, hold on to resentment because they made the mistake.  It feels in control, like things are balancing out: from being hurt to punishing the perpetrator. It feels fair.

With that said, there comes a time when holding on to negative feelings becomes unhealthy and problematic for you, not the one who hurt you.  Anger and resentment can blind you from what matters in your life.  It can cause you to focus on the details, losing awareness of the big picture. Anger and resentment can spill into other relationships and experiences, and not in a good way.  

For many people, letting go and forgiveness are associated with power. If you have been hurt, you feel powerless. You feel acted upon. You may feel deceived, manipulated, lied to. By holding on to feelings of blame, anger, and resentment, you are able to feel more powerful. It gives you a sense of purpose, a sense of direction. However if you hold on to those feelings for too long, those same feelings get the power.  You lose control again. The negative emotions drive how you think about things, how you interact with others, and how you feel about yourself.  This usually does not end well. 

When you hold on to a feeling, when you blame the other, it takes away from your own responsibility for what happened. This does not mean you are to blame for someone else's actions, it means to examine if you had any type of role in what happened. What was your part? What could you have done differently?  Anything? This type of self-reflection is challenging and can be painful, but it can be very rewarding in your own personal growth. 

So how do you know that it might be time to let go and forgive?  Here are a few things to consider:

Is holding on still beneficial for you? If so, how?

Is this a pattern in your life? Has this happened in previous relationships?

What is keeping you from moving on, what are you actually holding on to?

What was your role and responsibility in what happened? Did you have a role?

Letting go and forgiving is not easy. It takes strength, courage, and compassion. Not compassion for the other person, but compassion for yourself. Forgiving does not mean you are weak or foolish, it means you have the strength to move on from a negative experience.  

Feel your feelings fully, reflect on the experience, take the good with you, learn from the bad, move forward. Life is too short to be looking over your shoulder at the past. 


As usual, feel free to share this post via facebook, twitter, etc. Comments are welcomed!

Salmaan Toor is a licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Knoxville, TN. If you are interested in being notified of future posts, you can “like” The Family Center of Knoxville on facebook here or can follow me on Twitter here. Thanks for your support!